


A More Perfect Union

by HerSistersKeeper, pythia



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Organa 2020, Sorry not sorry Aaron Sorkin, TW: Mentions of abuse, The West Wing AU you didn't ask for, president leia organa, tw: Mentions of Suicide, workplace UST
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-21
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2019-03-21 23:46:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 22,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13751718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HerSistersKeeper/pseuds/HerSistersKeeper, https://archiveofourown.org/users/pythia/pseuds/pythia
Summary: Rey Jakku is the Personal Aide to President Leia Organa. She's worked in the White House for three years and never met President Organa's son, Ben.Until he strolled up to her desk just to insult her, out of the blue.





	1. Redwoods and Regrettable Behavior

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to @no_more_hope for reading this over and for letting me (Pythia) talk up this fic on the Discord over the last few months while we've worked on it. 
> 
> [Pythia](http://www.twitter.com/PythiaTweets) writes Ben Solo, and HerSistersKeeper writes Rey. Everyone else? We trade off depending on how witty we're feeling.

"Playing girl scout with my mother? Will you be in our family newsletter that she sends out at Christmas?"

The front office of the Oval Office is a small space, something Rey realized for the millionth time since beginning her job as a personal aide, but usually, she didn’t mind. It meant that it was a little less to clean at the end of the day, her glossy wood desk immaculately organized, not unlike Leia’s. Cecil had left an hour ago at least, so it was only her to receive this visitor, and if it had been anyone else, she’d have curtly informed them they needed an appointment, but instead, she felt her mouth set into a hard line.

Rey knew that she should look up at least, that the first son was approaching, but she hadn’t been taught what to do with the first family, just the president. There had been an assumption that Mr. Solo and his son wouldn’t be gracing the White House, but there was Ben Solo, sauntering up to her desk.

She wondered if he was about to sit on the edge of it, block her exit, so she scribbled on instead. She had to finalize the president’s meeting for the morning, and the only look up that she spared was to the little clock. "Oh, you know it, Benjamin. At the rate we're going, she's going to put me in the will because I actually want to be in the Christmas newsletter."

Ben frowned, hearing Rey, someone he’d barely spoken to in the three years she’d worked for his mother, call him Benjamin. It was a distancing tactic, something that people often did to make the other person uncomfortable, and that response puzzled him. They had never even met in person before, she was a shadowy figure in Skype calls on holidays, or the out of focus figure in Leia’s vacation photos, blurred into anonymity by the long-range lens of photographers.

“I would think that President Organa would understand why someone might choose career over family. But perhaps to you, sending your child to boarding school for eight years seems like a fine option, given other choices that a career-oriented woman, with an unreliable miscreant for a partner, might make." He leaned over Rey’s desk and snagged her dust cloth, rubbing away a fingerprint that had been left on the recently cleaned glass blotter. The air still smelled of glass cleaner and wood polish. Setting the rag back down on the corner of her desk, he scrutinized the younger woman. She had an excellent poker face, giving nothing away with her expression.

Rey continued to ignore him, flicking her wrist at him now as she tugged at a piece of paper he leaned on, trying not to smirk at the dark look he gave her as he lifted his hand for her. She had been warned about Ben on several different levels, from several different people. Things like “He’s smart, handsome, a pain in the ass, pompous, distant, angry,” filtered through her mind now, and she wanted to lift her head, look him full in the face, judge him for herself, but given his greeting? Well, she was already on the defensive, and she had barely had the actual pleasure of meeting him yet.

"I suppose if I had time to even have a miscreant partner and a child, let alone the money to send the child to even one year of boarding school, I would be in a better place to agree. But seeing that I barely had time to graduate public high school and am taking night classes for my first degree, unlike you, Mr. Harvard-Yale-and-Princeton, I can't exactly form an informed opinion on the matter one way or another." Her tone was stiff--she hated talking about Leia in a way any less than respectful, even indirectly, but for the first son to breeze in and accuse her of taking his mother’s side, when _he_ was the one holding the grudge? Some things couldn’t be left unsaid.

"I never went to Princeton or Yale… Anyway, at least you are aware of the fact that as you cannot form an informed opinion on my upbringing, and therefore my character as a man, then perhaps you will kindly stop telling me what my relationship with my own goddamn family should be like,” Ben felt his pulse begin to race and he knew with that slip of obscenity that he was getting into dangerous territory. He breathed through his nose and let out a deep sigh, centering himself the way that Georgia had taught them during their last therapy session.

His therapist was a tiny brunette and seemed to only wear vintage house dresses, no matter what time their appointments were at. Georgia would pop onto Skype with a bright, nearly shrill, “Hiiii” made even cheerier with her southern California accent. Then, she would spend the next forty-five minutes badgering Ben about his week. He hated it, but it helped him learn to express himself and make small talk with people. Before moving to D.C. she’d text messaged him a list of “shit not to talk about in front of people because they’ll think you’re a psychopath.” He wasn’t going to lose his shit on Rey, no matter what she said to him because he didn’t think he could tolerate Georgia’s disappointment or homework that she would inevitably assign to him to get him “back on track.”

Rey snorted at Ben’s comment, finally looking up at him, brow arched, voice flat: "Of course, your highness. You are _so_ right. Perhaps, while we're at it, you can stop looking at me like I'm some lowly maid that your mother has taken pity on in her ‘old’ age and has chosen me to be her proxy child.” If she had expected him to react, she didn’t give him time, flicking her wrist at him again, as if to shoo off any defense. She knew for a fact that he had called her the maid several times, and she doubted that he was talking in 16th century English when he did.

Swiping up the papers in front of her, Rey tapped them on the desk, the motion straightening the pile for her and punctuating her words: “I know for a fact that you don't believe I'm fit to lick your fucking shoes, I'm so low on the totem pole, but don't for a second think that she's seriously considering me above you. She's not."

She caught herself tearing up, and she swallowed the lump that seemed bent on tightening her throat, a surefire sign she felt ready to cry. Would it be a dream come true if Leia actually considered her like a daughter? As someone who couldn’t even remember her parents, of course. But she knew better than to step in the way of a parent and their actual child. Years in the foster system had told her that much.

"So when you have a chance to get off your high horse, take a minute to have dinner with your mom or something.  But what do I know-- I'm just the ‘maid’ who happens to hear your mother brag about you every two minutes when she's not talking about her duties or how much she's missed you." Rey huffed, sitting back in her chair now, jutting her chin out defiantly as she crossed her arms. She knew that it was dangerous, saying anything so biting, but it felt too good.

Ben almost recoiled, Rey’s accusations were so sharp and well-aimed that they almost felt like physical blows. She was sharp - somehow she knew _exactly_ what to say to him to cut him deeply. He closed his eyes, rolling a little as he did it, trying to keep his composure when he really just wanted to shove everything off Rey’s immaculate desk and shake some sense into her. No matter how satisfying it seemed at the moment, breaking things, punching people, or screaming at them never really helped Ben feel better.

"Please never leave politics, as you have terrible deductive reasoning skills. I was going to THANK YOU for being there for her, as I know that she's missed me over the years and had some profound regrets when it comes to being a mother. I know my limits when it comes to personal relationships and running about with my mother in a National Park is far beyond mine,” Ben let out an angry sigh, taking a moment to count to ten, trying to keep himself pulled together.

Georgia would tell Ben that Rey’s response was emotional, she was feeling threatened, or like she was being attacked, so whatever she said was about protecting herself from Ben.  “I think that perhaps you might be carrying a significant chip on your shoulder about your upbringing. It doesn't matter where we come from, only what we choose to do ourselves. You assist the most powerful woman in the world, making her life easier and happier so that she can better carry the burdens of her office. If that isn't a job that is worth respecting, then I am not sure what is respectable, " he rocked back on his heels, trying to understand Rey’s response.

Rey didn’t know if she wanted to laugh in Ben’s face or if she wanted to slap him. Or both, especially now as she looked at him and he returned her gaze, his mouth a scowl. _So much for being on good terms with Ben. Gee, I wonder where that went wrong._ She settled for sucking in a breath before rolling her eyes, standing up for just a moment, dipping into a mocking curtsey.

"Well, I suppose I should thank you for that compliment that you handed me in such a backward way, but I also think you're projecting a bit of that supposed chip on my shoulder, so respectfully, sir, I'm going to ask you to go eat shit." Her smile was honeyed and fake, plastered to her face tightly, not dissimilar to how she smiled when some high-ranking official made a lewd remark on her body. She supposed that she was grateful that Ben didn’t seem the type, but it would have almost made this entire encounter easier if so.

"Also, sir, to be honest, that chip on my shoulder is well-earned because some of us had to go dumpster diving for food instead of going to boarding school. So forgive me for having my worldview. I know that it only matters what we make of ourselves, but it's significantly easier to have hope for doing that when you have at least one parent and you don't have to fight for your food and education." Rey knew that she should be above shaming people with her story. It wasn’t a story she was fond of telling, because of the varied reactions.

Some people looked at her with pity; others, with horror. Usually, never indifference, even though Rey all but welcomed the look when it crossed Ben’s face, feeling her eyebrows raise. Well. This was new.

"I am not pretending to be master of interpersonal relationships, only a man who is profoundly aware of his own failings and mistakes. The chip on my shoulder is well earned too if we're going to go ahead and see whose emotional trauma is more significant. Perhaps you should look into what happens to a person after a decade of physical, and psychological abuse at the hands of a teacher and mentor who gave a neglected child the attention that he so desperately sought.  Twisting a child's mind for years, until someone realized far too late, that something was terribly wrong, right under their fucking noses. I would never pity you because I am far too busy trying to stop pitying myself and be an adult,” Ben felt his face grow cold, a terrible sign that he was actually going to lose it. He counted to ten and forced himself to ignore the emotional explosion that was brewing inside him. That wouldn’t help him with this situation, he needed to use logic and compassion to figure this mess out with Rey. She was _incredibly_ important to Leia, and Ben wanted to have a good working relationship with her for Leia’s sake.

It was the least that someone who was bad at being a good son could do.

Despite everything that he had just said, Rey coughed out a laugh, turning away from him to snatch her bag off the hook behind her. "Let me know how that goes, sir. Or don't. Heaven knows you weren't planning on baring your soul to your mother's personal aide, especially when you've been feeling threatened by her very presence.”

She swept up her items from the desk, holding them close to her chest as if it was a shield. She wasn’t sure if she was on the offense or defense anymore. Sighing, she began tucking her papers into her bag, forcing her voice to soften just a bit.“I know you're grateful for my work with your mother.”

Maybe his face had started to soften as well-- she couldn’t tell out of the corner of her eye. She did know that he was opening his mouth to speak again, and so cut him off with, “However, that doesn't change the fact that even now, you look at her and any attention she gives someone else and thinks 'if she gave me that attention back then and even now, I wouldn't be so fucked up and have to see my $200 an hour therapist every Thursday at 4.’”

  
"I am not threatened! I know what I can and cannot be, and I am glad that someone can finally be the child that she wants, so maybe we can work on fucking accepting each other. There is nothing wrong with going to therapy unless you’re one of those people that don’t believe in medical science. Psychiatrists who specialize in PTSD and will work with people who have had serious psychotic episodes are hard to find, so I believe in paying people for their skills and professionalism. I assume that you must be off the clock right now, given your behavior,” Ben fought the urge to sit down in the imitation Chippendale chair opposite Rey’s desk and put his head in his hands. He hadn’t been this frustrated or angry for at least a year in a half. It meant progress, of a sort, that he cared enough to even be frustrated or angry. Most of the time, people weren’t even a minor annoyance. They were just in the landscape, like trees or birds.             

  
"Methinks the man doth protest too much,” Rey all but sang this at Ben, tucking a few more papers away in her messenger bag, letting the flap fall as she looked at him again, “but whatever you say, your highness. I'll be here, filling in for you on important family functions so you can go and write your next great American book of knowledge." She smoothed her skirt, tried to pretend that she was dignified, even though everything that she had said thus far was anything but.                         

"Everyone said, try to be nice to Rey, she's so nice and it will make your mother happy! What a joke, what a joke," he felt ridiculous, but Ben hadn’t put in an effort with a person in a long time, and he really wanted to salvage it, somehow. It seemed impossible, given Rey’s immediate dislike, possibly hatred of him.                         

Rey snorted at that, rolling her eyes and all but throwing her hands up in frustration. "Yes, well, when everyone has been bragging about the great Ben Solo for the last 18 months, I was expecting someone who didn't see the aide as a personal threat."  

"And to comment on that jab about my professionalism:I am off the clock, but only because your mother just wanted me to sit up with her and scrapbook over hot chocolate while she waits for your uncle to fly in. I promise I won't look at your baby pictures, even if she coos about the cute butt you had as a baby." She slung her bag over her shoulder, raising an eyebrow at Ben who still leaned over her desk, blocking her way out. Rey sighed, perching herself on the corner of her desk furthest from him, crossing her arms and legs, setting her face as if it were stone.                   

"I don't get complaints as an adult, thank you," he fought the urge to check his hair to make sure his ears were covered, an old habit.                         

  
“I know you don't get complaints, I have to filter through your fan mail every day from a slew of  twentysomethings who saw you at the one campaign stop you participated in and are fixated on your ass." She rolled her eyes at him as she muttered this, wondering if he had even heard her over his yell, finally catching up to what she had said two minutes prior. She almost pitied the man, having to hear her bitching at him, but seeing all the pain that he put Leia through every day he hadn’t been in the White House? He deserved a bit of it.                     

"Goddamn it, I don't see you as a threat! I am happy that you're here! I don't know how to do those things, or what to do with scrapbooks and hot chocolate. She calls me for policy debates and research - that's where I am using. That’s where I can actually be a good son, ” thinking about those letters made Ben incredibly uncomfortable. He’d stopped attending campaign stops because he couldn’t cope with the relentless come-ons and crowds of people. At that time, they still hadn’t found an effective mix of medications, and it seemed to be an unnecessary risk for Leia’s campaign to have him around when he was so unpredictable. He knows that Leia had been hurt by the decision, but it was the right decision for them both. Ben had learned that when he didn’t know what the right thing to do, to pick the most logical option that also seemed to hurt the most.

"Well, let me help you with one thing: you drink hot chocolate, say 'aw' about fond memories in pictures, and try not to get your fingers sticky from the glue. A four-year-old could have told you as much.” Rey wondered if she was just being cruel now, but honestly, a part of her was confused. How had he never learned something as basic as this? She had always been shoved away as a child--it wasn’t until she was almost seventeen and came to Maz, her adoptive mother, did she even know what hot chocolate tasted like.  For someone like Ben--born with a silver spoon in his mouth Ben-- to not know how to just sit and enjoy his mother’s company made her heart squeeze and her head hurt.

"Look, when Luke gets here, you should sit down with him about the fifteen boys that got taken out of his school after the suicides.  Ask about the inquests and lawsuits. When my parents sent me away to school they sent me - to my Uncle Luke's school where I was trapped with a monster for years. Like I told you before, I was abused and tortured for nearly eight years - the most important years for emotional development. My only campaign stop triggered a panic attack, because of the crowds, and I tried to kill myself. I am not capable of feeling things like that, not yet. Leia knows my limits and tries to respect them. All of the warm and fuzzy parts of me died for me to survive at that school.  I know it hurts her that I don't like to be touched, or have people close. I had all of my feelings systematically burned out of me. I can't feel things like you, no matter how hard I try, or how much medicine I take. I will never, ever be able to really feel things or care about people in a normal way. I am just happy I am not a maniac, and that all that rage, I turned on myself,” telling Rey these things, he just felt so empty.

Ben wasn’t even mad anymore, that temporary rage had burned out, leaving him to grapple with the hollow inside himself where feelings should have been. He thought of his mind like a forest that had been destroyed by a fire, and that someday, those ashes would grow something better, if he worked at his recovery.                     

"...I'm sorry." Rey wanted to be angry with him, to remark that he didn’t know the half of things when it came to abuse and torture, that he wasn’t the only one hurt, but it wasn’t her scars on display at the moment...and she wouldn’t ever show the full extent of her hurt. Not in the White House. Not after all the trouble, she had caused just by taking the job and the investigation her background check had kicked off, now hidden away on some classified, redacted file. So instead, she softened her face, forced herself to breathe deeply, to soothe herself.

She paused, looking at him as if expecting him to chuckle, to scoff, but he said nothing, his gaze rooted on his hands as if something stained them and he was disgusted.  "I'm not going to make excuses for my words because I know some of them were out of line, rude and vulgar. Besides, from the sounds of things, you don't appreciate flowery apologies."                        

"It's fine. It's nothing that I haven't heard before. I know exactly what I am,"  Ben’s voice was flat and emotionless, He shifted, realizing that he’d effectively boxed Rey into her desk, he moved out of the way, feeling guilty.                        

Rey waved off his movement, shrugging. She was used to being cornered, unfortunately-- the difference this time was that he did it accidentally. It didn’t make it okay, but she understood. Her voice was low when she let herself talk again, hoping that the lapse of silence gave Ben a moment to collect himself if it was what he needed.

"I will never understand what fully goes on in your head or your mother's,” He looked almost relieved when she said that, his face tightening as she followed up with, “but you won't understand what goes on in my head either. So stop trying. You've been trying since you've walked in and I don't know if it's because you think you have to know people and their motives so that they don't hurt you, or if it's because you think of me higher than you say you do.”

Rey kept her words coming slowly, as if it was the dripping faucet in her apartment, a soothing sound that could lull anyone to sleep. “I'm not here to be impressed. I'm here to make sure that your mother is able to do her job, be it by keeping her on schedule, stepping out to get her coffee, or even picking out her Christmas gifts to other people.” She chuckled now, realizing after a hazy moment that Ben was wearing the tie she had picked out for his Christmas present last year, and she had to stop herself from dragging a finger down the silk, crossing her arms to keep the temptation away.

She leaned forward now, speaking a bit earnestly,“I do all the simple things so that she--and you-- don't have to worry about it and can go and change the world. You're impressive enough. Stop trying."                        

Ben rubbed the bridge of his nose as if he was getting a headache, "Rey. Please listen to me - this is not hyperbole. I do not feel things like you do. I don't care about people - at all. I’m not a sociopath or a psychopath, but it’s a near thing for me. That is why I go to therapy, to make sure that I don't end up, like, killing someone. I do not consider those things at all, to the point that it scared people enough to get me medicated and into serious therapy. Right now? This is the most caring that I've done in like, a year and a half? I'm honestly impressed with myself right now. Talking about my feelings without physically assaulting someone, destroying anything or hurting myself is more impressive to me than getting a Ph.D."

It was annoying to Ben how criminal procedural shows had made the American public think they understood psychology when most people didn’t know the difference between psychopathy and sociopathy. Talking about things to Rey, even while feeling drained and empty, still felt like a victory. He was probably salting the earth, ruining any possibility of a friendly or civil relationship they could have had.

Rey set down her bag and coat, sinking into a chair now. She remembered something from a psychology article that said that, to give someone more space and more power in the situation, sit down and make them feel bigger. She didn’t know if that was true if he’d roll his eyes, but maybe it wasn’t, wondering if Ben knew this trick too, his eyes flickering in recognition at her movement. "That is really impressive, Ben. I mean it."

He smiled, an expression that was somehow sour and sarcastic, "Well, apparently there's something to be said for having a beautiful woman that your mother respects and likes, completely misunderstand you, as a strange motivator for trying to get stupid feelings across. Books and numbers? Facts and not feelings, that's how I live… and thank you. The same can be said of you, doing it all on your own."

Rey felt her cheeks color and she wasn't sure if it was the compliment or the subtle callout. "To be fair, you can't come and corner me at my desk and start antagonizing me about your mother's Christmas newsletter." She glanced at him, tried not to smile, leaning forward and propping her chin up on her hands, almost childishly.

"Full disclosure, I will be in the newsletter, but only because I apparently helped her find time to write this year's. And it's not impressive. It's just something I had to do. You can probably relate to that feeling if I can guess." Her fingers closed over a zipper on her bag and she fidgeted with it, trying not to look at Ben now. Of course, when she had finally calmed down, it occurred to her that the man in front of her wasn’t bad looking, even handsome--and suddenly Rey wasn’t very sure of herself whatsoever.

"Which recipe did she include? She did guinea fowl last year, and it was terrible...Sorry, I really thought I was being funny. I also don’t even know what your title is - no one ever told me. They kind of hide me away like I’m in a Bronte novel or something. I should stick to my list of safe topics that Georgia sent me. I am not good at this yet. I really am trying, this is me trying very hard, Rey, I know that’s hard for you to understand, but I really am. I think we were both slightly feral children that made the best of what they were given. Objectively, the fact that neither of us is in jail, on drugs or engaging in some sort of deviant activity is pretty astonishing, when you look at the numbers.” Ben stuck his hands in his pockets to keep from fidgeting and attempted a half smile, "Against the odds, here we are."                     

"She stuck to an apple pie recipe this year. I think Luke remembered the guinea fowl nonsense from last year and put a stop to any exotic dishes." Rey shuddered, remembering the taste of that unfortunate cooking experiment. It almost made her go vegetarian. "And speak for yourself-- I had the option to take up a viable career in stripping. You're not the only one with the cute butt." She paused, considering what she had said and to who. It was maybe the closet that she’d get to talking of the darker side of her past, but she pushed on anyways. To pause any longer would probably arouse worry. "Sometimes, I think it'd pay better too, but I'm lucky that the White House took a chance on me after all the trouble I caused."

Ben shrugged, "Sex work is real work, so it's good that they're getting proper compensation...If they aren't paying you enough, all you have to do is speak to Ashoka, I've seen their budgets. They have plenty of wiggle room on staff salaries." He paused and seemed to process Rey's earlier comments. It was clear he was making a mental note to himself to find out what exactly she meant.

"No, no, my salary is fine. I'm just more thinking about finances at the moment. College is expensive, even if you qualify for all the scholarships." She sighed, glancing at her overstuffed bag of books. Leia must be wondering where she is by now, having promised her aide to look over her econ homework. Her brow furrowed. How long how had she been here? Had the president gone to sleep yet, or was she still waiting up?

Ben nodded along, and followed Rey's gaze to her massive bag of books, "Lots of work? Do you need help or anything?" He pulled his hands out of his pockets,  he didn't quite know what to do with them. It was awkward just standing there, but he didn’t know how to leave or how to fix things. He only knew how to stay, and be stuck in whatever shit that he’d started.                         

"If you happen to have any idea about medieval history, I'd appreciate some feedback on a paper. I asked your mom earlier for help with econ. Seeing that she has a doctorate in it and all." Rey chewed on her lip, hand lifting to rest on her bag, tapping her fingers.                        

"But only if you want to help. I don't want to impose. Especially since I've put you through enough this evening." She brushed her hair back behind her ear, hand trailing to her necklace, nervously rubbing the pendant.                                      

"I definitely know about medieval history. Before I went to Stanford, I read history at Cambridge and did a doctorate there. I can definitely take a look," Ben awkwardly sat himself down at Rey's desk and grabbed a cobalt blue pen from her cup, fiddling with it, "I was a weird, lonely teenage boy, so medieval history was definitely my thing. Ask any weird kid that liked Tolkien, they probably had a phase. I never really grew out of it."                        

"You must have been popular with the ladies," was Rey's dry remark, and she all but clapped a hand over her mouth, switching the subject as quickly as she could. "Cambridge AND Stanford, huh? How many degrees do you have again?"                        

Ben shrugged, unbothered by Rey's remark, "Correct - I was not popular with the ladies until grad school and therapy... I have three degrees. I did a BA in History and Political Science, and then the doctorates in History and Political Science. Do you have your paper?"

She was sure that he heard her mumble of "Holy shit" as she popped open her bag, slipping a hand in to find her notebook. "You'll have to excuse all the writing on the draft-- I had it printed and everything for Cassian to look at it, but he was in a meeting all day and I just kept picking at the draft myself and well..." Rey lifted the paper and flipped through the pages, showing the neat red pen notes in the margins and between paragraphs. "It's a bit of a mess."                        

Despite herself, she slid the paper over to him, watching him uncap the pen in his hand, poised to begin. "So I'm guessing you're popular with the ladies now? Based on what you said?" She cleared her throat, wondered if he would read into her apparent interest in his odd situation. "I mean, it's probably a good thing you're a president's son-- you'd probably have been married off by now, having 3 degrees and all."

He took the paper from Rey and began to read, "Don't worry about it. Everyone has to write messy drafts, terrible drafts before writing something good. I tell my students that the worst thing they can write is nothing at all."                        

Ben hummed for a minute, reading and marking on Rey's paper. He underlined a sentence and then an arrow to the third paragraph of her paper.                        

"No, I've never dated. I have never been in a position to be a good partner for anyone. The one thing that I learned from my parents, was to not get into anything until you're ready. All it does it hurt the person you supposedly care about. I wasn't ready for a partner until I was in the middle of everything at Stanford, and again, that's not fair to the other person."

"That's a really good point." Rey wasn't sure what she should be doing now, watching Ben's pen as it made various flourishes and marks across her work. If it had been anyone else-- her professors, the president, any of the senior aides-- she'd have been an anxious mess but somehow, watching Ben at work was almost soothing.

"Have you ever, y’know, had feelings for someone at least?" Rey wasn't sure what had gotten into her, asking all of this of a man that she, for all intents and purposes, had told to go fuck himself less than an hour prior.

Ben turned the page, and kept marking pages, Rey's paper was pretty solid for a draft. He was impressed with her work, he would have been happy to have such a paper turned in by one of his students at Stanford, "Feelings?" Ben looked up at Rey, screwing up his face in thought before turning back to her paper, "Not really, anything beyond basic attraction. Tinder-level interest. Never a relationship."                        

"That's okay. Feelings are stupid most of the time anyway." Rey shrugged, trying to ignore the relief and yet doubt that churned together in the pit of her stomach. She could relate to his sentiments, considering her lack of time for dating. There had been a few flirtations she had entertained in the past few months, but she had never had something solid. Not that that hurt anything-- it helped, given how married she was to her work. "Your mom keeps trying to set me up with various Washington types, but I'm sure nobody wants someone like me. I can't do anything fun, like give away state secrets." She smiled, hoping he would know she was joking.

Ben turned to the fourth page of Rey's paper and smiled at one of her sentences, underlining it and writing "yes" in bold letters in the margin. It was a full smile, a proper one, unlike the sour grimace or half smile he had attempted earlier. "I don't think feelings are dumb. Georgia, my therapist told me a couple of years ago that feelings are hard and people are dumb. We need to be patient with ourselves and with other people. Which doesn't seem profound, but it was to me at the time. I don't know about no one wanting you, I think you're just not meeting the right people. You're entirely self-made,  you've got an important job, with important connections, and again, you're very beautiful. Those are all things that most people find admirable and interesting."

Rey let herself chuckle at that, shaking her head. "I'm not even looking for anyone at the moment. It's too much at the moment. Maybe after I get my degree and once I know what's happening with your mom's future plans-- if she runs again or not-- maybe then I can fully devote my time to finding someone. In the meantime, I suppose I shall have to content myself with getting hit on by various guests of your mother. Junior Secretary of Defense Armitage Hux is basically a gentleman caller by now."

Rey rolled her eyes, not missing how one of Ben's eyebrows quirked, but she chalked that up to something on the paper in front of him, nothing that she said. Leia liked to tease Rey about Hux, even though both of them knew that was a pairing that never would happen, even if Rey wasn't the personal aide to the president

Ben stopped marking on Rey's paper, and looked her straight in the eye, his face a little paler than usual, "I went to school with Hux - do not be alone with him anywhere at anytime. They hushed up a lot of things that happened there, but he was in the middle of it all. I am shocked that Leia is not aware of that. He is a psychopath and was one when we were teenagers. I mean that in the truest sense. Please, never be alone with him ever again."                        

"I've never been alone with him, besides when he's sitting in the office, waiting to go into briefings." Rey heart all but sank lower in her chest as Ben's brows furrowed. She could feel her nails forming little crescent moons into her palms as she fisted her hands, trying to keep calm, her mind racing. "You should probably tell your mother-- or Ahsoka. It's none of my business, and I won't ask what all happened, but if what he did was enough...to warrant you warning someone like me to be careful, someone higher up should know."     

Rey knew better than to read into the warning-- Ben didn't seem like the type to warn people for any, a particularly special reason besides them needing it. He was warning her because she worked for his mother and by extension, he needed her around. Not because he liked her or explicitly cared. 'Which is fine', she thought, bile coating her tongue, a little voice wondering if it was actually fine..  but it didn't matter. Not in the grand scheme of things.

Ben laughed bitterly, "Even if Leia doesn't know, what happened at Luke's school is an open secret in all of the right circles around here. People know, but it's just written off. I eventually broke down and got help. As far as I know, he never did. I was one of the few that had family that got me help. They sent him to West Point."                        

"I'm glad to hear it. Keep it that way. You don't need another crazy person in your life," Ben resumed marking Rey's paper up, nodding and smiling at her work, "You've got a lot going for you, and it would be tragic to see you get tangled up with someone like him."                                            

"There's not much to get tangled up with, but thank you." Rey tucked her hair behind her ear, tucking away this information for later. If anyone on staff could possibly take care of this, she mused, it'd be Jyn. Since Jyn was essentially the white house's guard dog, the task of scaring Hux off wouldn't surprise her probably.                        

Still, Rey sank down deeper into her chair, resting her chin in her hands. "You know, it's moments like this that make me wish I didn't have to dress up for the job. Probably would cut down on the creeps-- psychopaths and regular run-of-the-mill creeps-- hitting on me."                        

Ben nodded," I've noticed that over the years, men never seem to understand when they're completely inappropriate or unwanted. Another reason why I haven't dated. If they're that bothersome around here, I have a list of topics that are not appropriate conversation material that I can send you." He paused for a moment,"I have complimented your looks at least twice, and I hope that I wasn't being that way - I was just trying to be honest. You seem like someone who would tell me otherwise, but I am sorry if I made you uncomfortable." He returned to writing on Rey's paper, now looking at her conclusion.                     

"Considering that most men who come through and compliment me don't consider me-- or any woman, to be honest-- to have their 'massive intellect', it doesn't surprise me that they found my butt less intimidating to focus on." Rey knew she should feel self-conscious, talking so frankly, but as she accepted her paper from Ben, she figured that he'd rather have her bluntness than dancing around the point.

“You write like your mother." It was a small complaint, and she expected him to scoff, instead of looking up to find a small smile twisting on his lips.

"Their loss for dismissing half the population, and the reason why they'll never do anything more than serve at the pleasure of a President," Ben considered the comment about his handwriting, "Good, that means you can actually read my comments? I started doing digital comments after my office hours were dominated by undergraduates who couldn't read my handwritten comments."                        

"Yes, I can read it. You're lucky though-- if this was a year ago, I'd have asked for typed comments. Your mother writes like a doctor sometimes." Rey slipped the paper back into her bag and turned to  Ben, looking him full in the face.

"Do you have any questions for me? I asked an awful lot questions about you and I feel it's only fair that you have the chance to ask."

Ben shrugged, "My mom talks about you quite a bit, and my questions are usually pretty thoughtless - or so I'm told. So, I try to mirror what other people do and follow their cues. I'm still figuring you out...What do you think I should know about you?"

"That I'm a Pisces who has a bad time with Geminis," Rey deadpanned, rolling her eyes. "I don't know-- maybe things about my past? Most people are usually fascinated about the tragic bildungsroman of Rey Jakku."  She shrugged, forcing herself to keep her smile. "I've been asked just about anything that one could be asked, so if a question comes to you, thoughtless or not, feel free to ask."                        

Ben nodded, "Okay. I'll keep that in mind. Do you have anything else you want me to look over?"

"Not at the moment-- thank you, Ben."

Jyn spotted the light on in the outer office on her way towards the residence, feeling slightly confused as Rey was supposed to be up there already with Leia working on her economics paper. She poked her head inside and was shocked to find Ben seated by Rey’s desk, pen in hand, and talking to Rey. Rey seemed slightly tense, her smile wasn’t completely fake but slightly tense around the edges. What the devil were they talking about? Ben didn’t seek anyone out unless it was about work. The intelligence officer in her immediately wanted to assess the situation and start gathering information. Old habits, like old spies, didn’t die easily.

“Hi, kids, what are you all doing in here? There is spaghetti up in the residence that’s probably getting cold, and I have a feeling that Leia is anxiously waiting to look over your economics paper, Rey. She actually finished everything so her evening was free,” Jyn kept her face and tone friendly, uncertain of what exactly she walked into. The last thing she wanted to do was spook Ben, she’d been there in the aftermath of Iowa when he’d been grabbed by some woman. Blood all over the bathroom, like a scene in a horror movie or maybe one of Jyn’s less happy memories from her days in service.  

Rey felt almost guilty over how quickly she relaxed, seeing Jyn, but as she turned back to Ben, she could tell that he wasn’t surprised at the shift in the atmosphere. She offered him a smile as she stood, speaking a bit slowly, even though she knew that Jyn was straining to hear what she said, “If you’d like, I can just head home. I don’t want to intrude on your home or anything.”

Jyn shook her head, “Nonsense, it’s only six-thirty. It’s just daylight savings playing tricks, you’re coming with us up to the residence and eating dinner Rey. You’re being voluntold by the President and the Deputy Chief of Staff, to come to dinner. You’re also going to have a glass of wine, and let one of the guys drive you home.” She shot a look at Ben, hoping that he’d have enough sense to reassure Rey about coming upstairs.

“It’s not scrapbooks and cocoa, but you should still come up Rey. It’ll be something close to fun,” Ben stood up and crossed the room, “I’m going to change before dinner. ” He left without looking back at Rey or Jyn.

Rey knew better than to mince words with Jyn, so before the senior aide could even open her mouth, the young woman explained, succinctly: “He hates me.” Her voice was flat, her hands less than gentle on her paper as she yanked it out again as if she just wanted to glare at it now that Ben was out of sight. She wasn’t mad at him anymore-- just herself, and she wondered if self-flagellation was still frowned upon in the United States.  

Jyn didn’t want to be rude, but she laughed, “Rey, you just had a conversation with Ben Solo. I used to worry that we’d get a call from his therapist or the cops that they found some girl’s head in his freezer.”

“It certainly didn’t start out civil.” Rey knew it wasn’t good to pout, but she couldn’t help it, her ears perking up for a second in confusion. “What do you mean, a head in his freezer? Like ‘Silence of the Lambs’? He doesn’t seem like the type.”

“Rey, look, we don’t talk about it, but Ben is really not well. Psychologically speaking,” Jyn glanced around to see if anyone was around, “Sit down for a second, okay? Fuck. I am not the person that should be telling you this, but I cannot believe nobody has told you. Way to go, Cassian.” Jyn was frustrated, this was something that Cassian or Leia should have explained to Rey when she started three years ago. God only knows what she picked up.

Rey knew better than to question Jyn, sinking back in her seat for the fourth time since the president had returned to the residence. “I know that he said he was abused at school and that he nearly committed suicide-- I’m just going to stop you before you get to that part.” From Jyn’s grunt, the personal aide knew that it probably wasn’t a good sign that she knew that much, but she shrugged. It wasn’t her fault no one had seen fit to tell her before Ben came back.

“Um, wow. He actually told you that? With his mouth and words? Jesus, are you a Jedi or something? Ben has never told anyone, outside of a courtroom or doctor’s office what happened to him,” Jyn shifted, uncomfortable with exposing Leia’s family secrets. Rey had to know if Ben was going to be around. “Look, it wasn’t just abuse, it was some of the sickest shit that I’ve ever seen. There was a teacher, Snoke, at his boarding school that systematically broke Ben down for years. Snoke started on Ben when he was a little kid before he even enrolled there since the guy knew the family. Groomed him right up to the point that he enrolled at the academy. From there? It was constant torture. He told Ben it was because he was special, to make him strong. Leia was gone so much, and Han didn’t know what to do with a gifted little boy, Ben ate up any attention that he got.”

She rolled her head back and forth, attempting to stretch out the tense muscles before continuing her story. “It was a huge scandal once the story broke - three boys committed suicide together, a pact that they made to try and escape Snoke. Ben got the worst of it, because of who his parents were, and whatever potential that Snoke saw in him. Everyone just thought Ben was just quiet, that he missed school and really liked hooded sweatshirts. We all missed it. He spent time away in an inpatient program because people who go through that kind of abuse, well, they will either kill themselves or do something awful to someone else.”

“How does Hux figure in all of this?” Rey nearly bit her tongue, suddenly finding Jyn’s intense gaze on her once more, studying her. She couldn’t ignore the bile coating her throat, how it felt like there were tears stuck in the back of her mouth like she wanted to release everything into a broken sob.

It was surreal, knowing that the man who had sat in front of her just minutes ago--who she had antagonized, sworn at, and basically belittled-- knew, if not the type, then the amount of pain and suffering a child could be subjected to. Like her. Maybe he knew better than she did, or maybe he knew a different kind of pain than she did, and the push-pull tug that resulted in that realization left Rey confused.

On one hand, Rey wanted to find Ben, compare notes, reassure that him he wasn’t alone, that she was just as messed up as he was. On the other, and Rey was ashamed to admit this… but on the other hand, she wanted nothing to do with him. She didn’t want to be reminded that there are broken people and that the world is as awful as she knew it to be. She gulped down the lump in her throat, folding her hands in her lap as if in prayer.

“I don’t quite know, the court records are sealed, but I know that he was there at school with Ben. He was one of Snoke’s favorites, not as _special_ as Ben, but he had to have gotten some of it too. I don’t think he ever got help, when we vetted him, his records show that Hux went right from the academy to West Point. The point of all this Rey is that Ben is really not okay. He gives all appearances of being normal, but in order to survive, he shut off everything. The guy has never even had a girlfriend because emotional attachments are so foreign to him. I am completely shocked that he even told you any of this. His doctors out in California have honestly worked miracles, that would have not happened to the man that I saw panic in Iowa and try to kill himself after that campaign stop,” Jyn let out a sigh, “I am so sorry to just dump all this on you, it’s a lot. It’s a lot for me, and I have had a good decade or so to process it all. I honestly thought that Cassian would have briefed you because Leia won’t talk about it. I think part of her will always be in denial about Ben.”

“We compared notes a bit, both before and after I basically, ah, told him to go fuck himself.” Rey could feel her face flush with shame, avoiding Jyn’s eyes. “If I had known, I wouldn’t have been so harsh on him. It’s just so… frustrating so know that his mother is trying now, and it doesn’t seem to matter to him. I understand better now but still…” Rey swallowed thickly, biting her lip now as she forced herself to breathe.

“Anyways, the reason why I asked about Hux was that Ben told me to not be alone in a room with him. He didn’t say why, really, besides that he’s apparently a psychopath.” Rey wanted to ask Jyn why Ben would warn her, even after the things she had said to him. However, from the sounds of things, Jyn would be just as confused, that, for some reason and somehow, she had managed to somewhat befriend Ben Solo.

“I just wanted to know, because Hux has been… we’ll call it friendly, I guess, with me lately. Like he stops by during his lunch and before briefings with the president. I didn’t really think much of it, but now I’m just overanalyzing everything Hux has ever done, even if it’s just breathing in the same room as me.” Rey chuckled nervously, glancing at the flower on her desk. “He brought me that yesterday, but since Ben told me to ‘not be alone in the same room with him’, I want to burn it and maybe him.”

“Jesus Christ, the last person that.. it doesn’t matter. It looks like Ben has decided to befriend you or something. If he said that, I would believe him. Nothing came back when we vetted Hux. His family has good connections and deep pockets. I am honestly more shocked about Ben than worried about Hux. He either treats people like furniture or breaks things. Ben told me before he came out here, that he’d turned a corner and was ready to try with Leia,” Jyn caught Rey’s eye, the younger woman clearly felt guilty about how she’d treated Ben. God, this was such a mess, and she probably just scared the shit out of Rey. “I really wouldn’t worry about what happened with Ben. I think this is him trying. It’s okay. You didn’t know.”

Jyn stood up and rubbed her sweaty hands on her wool trousers. She was starving and needed a stiff drink after this conversation, “Come on, we’re going to eat spaghetti and drink a lot of wine. We deserve it.”

Rey hummed, uncurling her hand slowly now, having forgotten about her paper, Ben’s inky comments running a little from how tightly they had been clasped in her sweaty palm. She wasn’t sure what to do with this information at the moment, but as she got up to follow Jyn, her fingers finding the light switch, resolve to befriend Ben was settling in. They didn’t have to be close friends-- but she knew that, if he was going to survive the White House, he’d need someone by his side.


	2. Pre-Dinner Discourse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian and Ben talk about Georgetown, Rey and how much Chardonnay sucks.

Ben opened the door to the residence and was greeted by the warm smell of simmering herbs and tomatoes drifting through the Center Hall. His stomach rumbled and Ben realized that he’d forgotten to eat lunch. Before seeing Rey, he’d spent the day at Georgetown giving a guest lecture and had managed to escape any awkward social situations until he had gotten back to the White House.

Had things gone badly with Rey? He was honest with her, kept his temper and read over her paper for class. Leia adored Rey, and it was clear that she expected the two of them to be close friends. It was sweet, but frustrating because Leia still saw him as the eleven-year-old that she shipped off to boarding school. 

Cassian was seated with Leia in an overstuffed couch just outside the family kitchen. Each was drinking a glass of wine and seemed unusually relaxed, there was no paperwork out, they were just chatting casually. He spotted Ben and gave him a friendly wave, “How was Georgetown, Dr. Solo?” 

Ben shrugged, “Not sure. They seemed happy with me, and asked me to come back next semester, so that’s a good sign… Mom, can I talk to Cassian for a minute? It’ll just take a second.”

Leia smiled fondly at Ben, “Of course. Did you happen to see Rey or Jyn? They’re supposed to be here soon. Dinner is at 7:30.” 

Keeping his face blank, “Yeah, I saw them downstairs, they should be right up.” Ben gestured towards the East Bedroom, pulling off his jacket and tie as he walked. 

Cassian nodded to Leia as he stood, grabbing his wineglass to take one final swig before setting it down on the coffee table and following Ben to his room. He couldn’t tell if this was a good or a bad sign, all things considering. The fact that the first son had returned physically unscathed eased the communications director’s mind enough as he shut the door behind him, glancing about the room as Ben moved towards the closet.

“What’s wrong, Ben?” Cassian didn’t miss how the other man flinched, and he sighed, keeping his eyes on the framed diplomas that hung proudly on the wall opposite of him. It struck him odd that they didn’t hang in Ben’s office, but Cassian knew better than to ask extra questions, rocking his weight from foot to foot. 

“I’m assuming that, if Georgetown went well, something else happened?” Silence, again, but judging by Ben’s exhale, a quick, almost nervous sound, Cassian knew he was close enough in his guess. He wracked his brain, trying to think of what could have happened today look that would warrant a talk, an almost impromptu therapy session if you could call it that. The thought occurred to him slowly, and he cast a sidelong look at Ben, who was in the middle of pulling a shirt down over his head now.

“You met Rey today, didn’t you? How did that go?”

Ben made a face, “I have no idea. She told me I was a bad son and then told me that Hux is apparently briefing my mother. He likes to hang around her desk and that Mom teases Rey about him liking her. That is troubling to me. He is a psychopath, and he is alone with White House staff on a regular basis.” His voice almost cracked, and Ben could feel something that felt like misery creeping up from the depths. “If something happened to Rey or anyone else... I just can’t let that happen. Please tell me that you can do  _ something _ , Cassian.”

Cassian could feel that the color had drained from his face, and he cleared his throat, brow furrowing. He’d address the comments Rey had made to Ben later, probably after he talked with Jyn about it, to compare notes. Knowing Jyn, she had probably pulled Rey aside to warn her about Ben’s history, and he winced, knowing that he should have said something earlier. Too little, too late.

“Did you mention anything to Rey? About Hux?” It almost disturbed Cassian that, from the sounds of things, the first son’s meeting with the aide had not gone well by any stretch of the imagination, and yet, here he was, asking Cassian to do something about Hux, to at least ensure some distance between the junior secretary and the Oval Office.

Ben hesitated, his gaze dropping to the floor, and Cassian all but growled, “Sir, if I am to figure out what the best thing to do to get Secretary Hux out of the West Wing, permanently or at least until the end of your mother’s first term, you need to tell me  _ exactly  _ what you told Rey, how you told her, how you sounded, and how she reacted. If you told her everything that you know about Hux and she panicked, which would be understandable, the actions that I take will be different than if you vaguely told her to stay away from Hux and she rolled her eyes. You have to tell me exactly what you told her.”

The first son’s face was wary as if he expected Cassian to turn around and tell Rey to ignore him and his warnings, the communication director shaking his head now in frustration. “Listen, no matter your first impression of her, Rey’s a good girl. She would never do or say anything that could hurt your mother, this administration or you. If you told her to stay away from Hux, even as a joke--which I know you didn’t-- she would take your word and do everything in her power to ensure that she protected the president. And herself.” 

Cassian wasn’t honestly convinced of the last part--Rey had a habit of throwing herself into harm’s way, even if it didn’t directly affect her. However, he felt like he needed to add it as he watched Ben’s face smooth a little now, his stance a bit more relaxed than it had been a minute prior.

“Georgia has been after me about talking about my feelings and being honest with other people. So, I was honest with Rey. I told her that I went to school with Hux, that he was complicit in the abuse and that she shouldn’t be alone with him,” Ben hung his jacket and tie up on the valet next to his bed. “I’m sorry. Rey was being really emotional and lashing out at me, it was very clear that she didn’t understand my situation. I know it’s important to Leia that we get along, she’s like her daughter, so I made the decision to be candid with her. I don’t think she believed me, she was too angry. I did read her paper for school, so I think that might have helped more than anything else,” he sighed and rubbed his face before giving a Cassian a half smile. Ben popped off his cufflinks, setting them in the valet’s tray and set to methodically rolling up his shirtsleeves. His arms were crisscrossed with scars, some self-inflicted and others an ugly memory of his teenage years. 

“So, how do I fix this? Do I need to fix this?” Ben sat on his bed and stared up at Cassian. He secretly modeled himself on the older man, liking his quiet nature, thoughtful words, and dedication to his work. Georgia had called it a bromance, whatever that was. 

“The only one who can tell you that for sure is Rey, which I’m sure you probably don’t want to do at the moment. Which is fine, by the way. For a small girl, she can be a bit scary.” Cassian massaged his temples, feeling a small headache coming on. Only Ben Solo would tell a girl that her dating pool pick was a psychopath while grading her paper. Even though Ben had a point, it didn’t take much for the communications director to see where things had possibly gone wrong. However, the Hux portion of the conversation was crucial, and he made a note to himself to ask Rey about it later.

“How did you approach the conversation, to begin with? Did you try to be funny, like I suggested?” Cassian wondered if it was odd to be essentially coaching the first son on his interactions with other humans, but Ben hadn’t complained yet, had even seemed grateful for the help. However, judging by the sour look on his face, whatever the conversation opener had been...it had not gone over well.

“Yeah, we should never try to have me be funny again. Literally, everything I said to Rey, other than offering to mark her paper made her extremely angry… It was like she  _ wanted _ to dislike me,” Ben sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, “I am thirty years old and I cannot even have a normal conversation that doesn’t involve work. Maybe I should just give up and keep brooding. Download Tinder.” The thought of online dating made Ben feel ill, but he had to date at some point as an adult. He needed human interaction.

“Alright, before you download Tinder, or Bumble, or Match, or whatever those other thousand stupid dating apps are...try talking to Rey again.” Cassian held up a hand as Ben turned to him, looking as if Cassian had just suggested that they let Rey take a crowbar and beat him senseless behind the White House’s dumpster, but the senior aide continued:

“I’m sure that if you think back to the latter half of the conversation, it wasn’t as bad as you thought. Or maybe it was-- I wasn’t there.” He shrugged, rolling up his sleeves now too, out of habit. “If she apologized, even once, I doubt that you have anything to worry about. Out of everyone in this White House, she’s probably the closest that you will find to understanding your experience on the ‘pain’ level. She didn’t know about your history...no one told her, and I take partial blame for that.”

Ben had stilled in his spot, as if processing and Cassian sighed, leaning against the wall now. “You may not want to, but I think you should practice talking with Rey. You think she hates you? That’s okay-- that means that her opinion of you can only get better. Or, if you disagree, I will download Tinder with you and we can suffer together for an hour before deleting the app and agreeing to never trust people on the internet ever again.”

“This is a terrible idea, and I am pretty sure that you should sue Princeton to get your tuition money back,” Ben threw himself back on the bed and stared at the ceiling, “When she wasn’t telling that I was a terrible son who was mad at his mother for paying attention to anyone that wasn’t me, Rey asked me about  _ relationships _ . Telling people that you’re thirty and have never been on a date is not...a good idea.” He moaned and stared at the ceiling, “I really thought I was ready for this, getting a job, working things out with Mom,  and trying to make friends that I have actually met in person. The internet isn’t all bad Cassian.”

“Yes, well, for what you want to use it for, it’s a bad idea. Unless you’re looking for physical encounters that make you wonder if humans are all animals, reduced to lust, in which case, be my guest.” Cassian rolled his eyes, glancing at the ceiling as if to check whether or not Ben had bore a hole into it yet. “She’s a twenty-one, almost twenty-two-year-old girl, Ben. She’s curious about feelings and love and all that mess, made worse by the fact that she’s never been on a date either. She wasn’t trying to belittle you when she asked you all that, I assure you.”

Cassian wasn’t sure if he was on the brink of setting the two up on a date or suggesting that they stay far, far away from each other. They were similar in some ways-- traumatized by their childhood, hard workers, headstrong. However, where Ben recoiled from social circumstances in an attempt to protect himself, Rey had constructed a wall to hide behind when she wandered out. It made her seem better at all the social aspects, sure, but behind the wit, the sarcasm, the bite, Cassian was sure there was a small orphan girl still, too scared to come out.

Ben made a noise, somewhere between a grunt and a groan. It was interesting to think that Rey had somehow missed out on all those things too. Maybe Ben wasn’t a completely weird person, just like Georgia kept telling him. He just wanted to  _ try _ , but the problem was that he wasn’t used to failure, as Ben avoided anything he wasn’t comfortable with.

“I am going to have to eat dinner with her and Jyn tonight. Could we just stay in here? I just got some new games,” Ben waved Cassian off, “I know we can’t. Just have someone tell Rey that I am…Well, me. Has anyone else told the other staff? I know my mother has quite the family here.”

  
“Rey was the last one to be told. Finn and Poe told all the other staff members the basics--that you’re in therapy, that you’re working on getting better, that things happened. Nothing as far in-depth as the rest of us, but enough.” Cassian sighed as he fidgeted with his sleeve again.

“I think your mother wanted to be the one to tell her, but...you know your mother when it comes to these things. I’m not defending her,” Cassian added quickly, seeing Ben’s eyebrows raise, his mouth open. “I’m just aware of how much your mother wanted this meeting to go well, and I think she felt that Rey would have completely avoided you if she had heard what happened.”

“Avoiding me and pretending things aren’t happening is Mom’s trick, not Rey’s.”

“Which is part of the reason your mother was afraid of that happening, but in this case, I don’t think she was too far off from worrying about that. I don’t know what Rey told you in between stonewalling you with sarcasm, but she’s had a lot happen to her as well. Everyone was afraid that she’d react badly, that it’d hit a nerve. You’re not the only one who feels like everyone is walking on eggshells around them.” He could see Ben go still out of the corner of his eye, but he ignored it, continuing.

“She’s gotten better, I think. Jyn’s been fantastic with helping the girl channel her anger and past pain into her work ethic. They’re like two English peas in a pod; it’s frightening sometimes. It’s part of the reason why she’s in college, and why she’s stuck this job out, even with people underestimating her at every turn...which we apparently did, in this case.” Cassian winced at this, shrugging. Again, too little, too late.

“Maybe it wasn’t good of us to let her find out on her own, or to tell her after the fact, but you can’t keep accusing her of being angry with you after you told her. I’ve seen Rey in moments like that, and angry is the last thing that she is when she’s told something like that. We’re not expecting you two to hit it off-- but if there’s someone who can understand what you possibly can and can’t handle, she’s a good start.”

Ben nodded silently, considering Rey and her reactions. She had assumed him to be a spoiled, selfish person and someone who would never understand someone who had a hardscrabble childhood of desperate loneliness. “Okay, okay. But I am having a drink before dinner. I can have  _ a _ drink with my new meds and I don’t want to waste it on some shitty chardonnay.” 

He propped himself up on his elbows and smiled at Cassian, “Thank you. It’s nice to talk to someone I’m not paying to listen to me. It means a lot to me.”

Despite himself, Cassian smiled, pushing himself up off the wall. “Contrary to popular belief, Ben, I think you make a fine conversationalist.” He tried not to chuckle, but a small snort escaped him anyways. “I’m sorry that your new ‘friend,’ should we say, doesn’t appreciate your skills as much yet. She’ll get there if you give her a chance.”

He glanced at his watch, frowning at it. “Jyn and Rey are probably here by now. If we don’t get out there soon, I’m sure someone is going to be sent to find us.” As if on cue, there was a knock at the door, and he swore under his breath.

“Kill me,” Ben moaned, flopping back down on the bed as Cassian crossed the room to open the bedroom door. He could have gone and gotten an MBA or something. No, he had to try and make his life work, avoiding the world for twelve years wasn’t going to make all of his problems go away. He would still be a thirty-year-old man, with big ears, a brooding disposition, and poor conversational skills.

Maybe he could be a monk and take a vow of silence. He had the chastity down pat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow us on Tumblr! [Pythia](http://pythiaspeaks.tumblr.com) and [HerSistersKeeper](http://hersisterskeeper.tumblr.com)


	3. The Dinner Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey make spaghetti sauce, discuss Scotch and turn the sexual tension up to an eleven. Cassian and Jyn just want to make it through the next news cycle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are some specific mentions of physical abuse, self-injury, and mentions of Ben attempting suicide. This might be triggering for some of you, so _please_ take care of yourself.

Cassian knew that when he opened the door, there was a 33% chance that it would be Rey standing on the other side of it, her face blank, her eyes tumultuous. Another likely chance was that it was the president, and in this case, he was almost convinced that that would have been the most neutral encounter Ben could have this evening. Instead, as the door swung open, there was Jyn, arms crossed, mouth quirked in a scowl, her brows furrowed.

“Mind if I step in for a moment?” He could tell that she was trying to keep her patience, and he opened his mouth to answer, but it wasn’t quick enough for Jyn’s liking as she pushed passed him, striding in and whirling on the first son, unperturbed at his wide eyes and raised eyebrows.

“What the  _ ever-loving hell  _ did you tell Rey about Junior Secretary Hux?” She was trying to be quiet, her whisper harsh through gritted teeth, as if she knew that to speak any louder would have Rey running down the hall in curiosity and embarrassment. 

When Ben went to speak, his mouth dropping open in surprise, she cut him off, raising her hand and focusing her glare at him. “I don’t know what you said, but whatever it was, she’s currently in the middle of trying to figure out a way to make sure he will never step foot into the Oval Office again without telling your mother. So some clarification would be  _ greatly _ appreciated at the moment,  _ sir.” _

Ben stood up, brushing off his pants, in an effort to preserve his calm. He wished he was in his room with the new journals that had arrived that morning. Ben sighed and looked at Jyn, “I am not doing this with you, Jyn. It isn’t my fault that you picked up the Organa habit of avoiding painful truths with people you perceived to be fragile. I’m glad that Rey took me seriously, she is obviously someone who cares more about my mother’s safety, rather than preserving the status quo. Cassian, you need to handle this with Jyn, and download Tinder yourself.” 

He crossed the room and glanced back at Cassian, giving the older man a grimace that was supposed to be a smile.

Cassian wasn’t sure what to say, how even to react, to Ben’s little statement--but he did know what trouble he was in as Jyn rounded on him, looking as if she was about ready to set him on fire. “Well,  _ someone  _ was supposed to tell her three months ago when the president was unable to. Isn’t that right,  _ Cassian _ ?” If she had been quiet before, she certainly wasn’t now, raising her voice as she straightened up, hands on hips, glare piercing.

With a small grimace, Cassian glanced back at Ben, waving his hand at him. “You go ahead, Ben. I’ve got this. Just make sure that there’s some shitty Chardonnay left for me when your mother gets done with it.” 

“Chardonnay is bullshit,” Ben muttered before closing the door behind him with a click. The adolescent urge to slam it was so strong, but Ben ignored it. When he turned down the hallway, he came face to face with Rey. Someone decided to throw gasoline on a fire. Her expression was wide-eyed, and a bit flustered. 

“They’re arguing about something, and apparently my room is the best place to do it. Unless it’s a guise for them to hide in there and play Mario Kart,” his voice was cool and firm. Perfect. Ben had it together, and it would stay together. 

Despite herself, Rey felt her lips quirk into a smile at the joke. “Well, you saw right through them, Ben-- Jyn is  _ such  _ a big gamer that she couldn’t resist.” His lips seemed to twist up in an attempt at a smile, and she hoped that he wasn’t trying to be polite. It took her a moment to remember the glass in her hand, the surface smooth and cool against her palms.

“Your mother sent me to ask you if you wanted something to drink. She wasn’t sure what restrictions your medication has on alcohol; otherwise, she would have just poured you a scotch, or a coke and whiskey.” She hated how quiet her voice had gotten with the question, feeling self-conscious now, but she wasn’t sure what she could say, how she could say it, without making the current awkwardness even worse. 

Ben nodded, “I’ll come out and get something. It’s really exciting - I get to have  _ one _ drink with my medication. I need to make it count - no chardonnay... Also, I have it on good authority, Reddit, that Mario Kart is the gateway to romance. Cassian is probably just finally making his move on Jyn. It only took him thirty years.” Rey’s earlier smile at his Mario Kart joke made the building tightness in Ben’s chest ease slightly. He could do this, as he got along well with his undergraduate students and always got high marks as a TA on evaluations. 

“What are you drinking tonight Rey?” Ben gestured for Rey to lead the way out into the living room and kitchen where Leia probably sat, adding too much oregano to the spaghetti sauce. By the smell of it, it just needed to have more garlic, but he always thought that everything always needed more garlic. 

“I was actually wondering if you have any suggestions how-- I was going to go for the chardonnay.” Rey tried to keep her hands clasped around the glass in her hand, the contents just water, for now, feeling her nerves build just slightly even as she eased into the conversation. Given her earlier comments, she was sure that he was just being polite, that they were just playing nice in front of Leia, that the situation would be different otherwise.

Stepping into the kitchen now, Rey clicked her tongue at Leia, shaking her head with an amused sigh as Leia stepped away from the spaghetti sauce, oregano shaker poised guiltily over the pot. “Mrs. President, you do know that other people have to eat this too, right?” She glanced at Ben, almost apologetic, sighing. “I promise, I want to hear your suggestion, but someone has to save the spaghetti sauce.”

“I have a bottle of twenty-one-year-old Scotch that I got when I graduated last semester. I haven’t been able to drink it yet, but it’s apparently fantastic. You can try some of it if you want,” Ben rolled his eyes at Rey, “Just add more garlic, she never puts enough in, and it will balance out whatever atrocities she’s committed against tomatoes and oregano.” 

Puttering around the kitchen in a white cardigan, skinny black pants and her hair in a braided crown, Leia Organa still looked so much like the mother that Ben remembered from his childhood. When he’d finished the security checks, and had a porter haul the last of his suitcases and book boxes upstairs, Leia had strode across the Center Hall and pulled him into a tight hug, the first that he’d been able to stand in nearly a decade. Instead of breaking away with a harsh word or simply not returning the embrace, Ben hugged his mother back, the smell of White Linen perfume making tears well up in his eyes for just a moment. The years of therapy had been worth it. Now, faced with this awkward dinner, Ben wasn’t sure he was ready. 

He walked over to the bar cart and uncapped the bottle of scotch, a gift from his thesis advisor who didn’t know that Ben didn’t drink much. At parties and conferences, Ben drank club soda or even iced tea in a highball glass. No one ever knew the difference. It had a woody, peaty smell and he was reminded of bonfires that people would light during the fall in undergraduate. The smell of smoke would waft into his bedroom window while he studied on those Friday and Saturday nights. Pouring a small amount into two glasses, Ben returned to Rey’s side, “I don’t know if this is any good, but it smells good.” 

“I’m a bit of an inexperienced drinker, so I’m sure that even if it was bad, I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference.” She was leaning over the spaghetti sauce now, spoon in hand. “I put some garlic in, but I’m not sure how much is too much. I really like garlic,” she explained, seeing Ben’s eyebrow arch just a bit as she nodded at the glass he offered her as if to say  _ one moment, please _ . 

“Mind doing a taste test for me?” In a moment, the spoon was held aloft, her hand cupping a few inches under it, trying to avoid dripping on the kitchen floor, presenting it to Ben like she had seen her adoptive mother, Maz, do. When he hesitated, she forced a smile, as if trying to soothe him. “I promise, I didn’t poison it-- but if you scratched out my favorite line from the paper you looked over earlier, I will dump so much oregano into the pot until you cry for the crime I committed against tomatoes and all of Italy.” 

Rey almost forgot Leia was there, leaning on the doorframe between the dining room and kitchen, well within earshot, until she spoke up. “Go ahead, Ben-- Rey usually has to save my recipes from me.” She wondered how it looked to the commander-in-chief if she thought they were flirting if their meeting had gone well, even though Rey knew that at least one of those things weren’t true, her cheeks pinking now. She didn’t understand why, but she hoped Ben didn’t notice.

Ben bent down and tasted the sauce that Rey offered to him on a spoon, it was a strangely intimate moment, and Ben really wished that his mother wasn’t watching. He wished that he was with someone that actually liked him. The sauce was bright and flavorful, with a powerful oregano taste that was balanced out with garlic and a hint of what tasted like spicy red pepper. Rey was concerned about his mother’s safety and could fix her kitchen disasters. 

He nodded and noted the pretty flush on Rey’s cheeks from the heat of the stove. The color suited her. “It’s very good, I like the spicy red pepper that you added in - good thinking. I love garlic too, so it looks like we’ve got two things in common - garlic and being inexperienced with alcohol.” 

Cassian and Jyn had finished their argument in the East Bedroom where Ben was living and entered the kitchen just as Rey tipped the wooden spoon of sauce to Ben’s lips, their eyes firmly on each other. Leia leaned against the doorjamb and took a leisurely drink of her chardonnay, clearly enjoying the show. 

“Fuck, is this kind of hot or do I just need to get out of my office more?” Jyn muttered to Cassian, as they paused in the doorway, unsure of what to do. 

“Jyn, shut up,” Cassian didn’t want to think about Ben in that context, he was still just a kid in so many ways. He pulled Jyn back by the wrist and threaded their fingers together to keep Jyn from bursting into the kitchen. Cassian squeezed her hand, “Let him have this, okay?” 

Rey wondered if her cheeks would flush more, feeling almost frozen in place, perhaps stunned by Ben’s compliment. The audience they had now didn’t seem to register, feeling Ben’s brown eyes on her face, even as she glanced away, trying to focus on something else of him.  She tried not to focus on his mouth, how there was still a bit of sauce clinging to his lips, how her knee-jerk reaction was to wipe it away with the pad of her thumb, but instead she turned away, back to the sauce.

“I’m glad you like it.” Her voice was soft as she stirred, trying to keep her hands busy and her eyes away. She could still feel him standing so close, and it should bother her, his seemingly constant need to hover over her, almost as if he was trying to be protective, almost as if he didn’t want her to step away-- but she knew that wasn’t the case, so she said nothing, taking a sip of scotch instead, trying not to say anything more.

Ben took a step back, uncomfortable with how close he had been standing to Rey without feeling anxious or triggered.  _ Is this what progress feels like? _ He thought back to that hug and wondered what it would be like to hug Rey. She was much taller than his mother, Jyn, and Georgia, who were tiny women, only about 5’2”. He shrugged and sipped his drink, wincing at the burn and enjoying the smoky, peaty flavor. “Shit, this stuff burns. I don’t know how people just toss it back without making a face.” 

“Oh, like this?” Rey took a swig of her drink, tossing it back without more than a small cough, keeping her face smooth, only a smirk marring it. She was obviously proud of herself, and she wondered when she became a show-off.

Ben laughed at Rey’s antics and the gauntlet she threw down “That swig was like, fifty bucks right there. Apparently twenty-one-year-old scotch isn’t cheap. I would shoot this back like a college kid, but I gotta make this last all night. It’s not bad though. Do you want me to refill your glass?” 

“If it costs that much, then I am completely fine with what I have in my glass right now. I’ll probably go back to the chardonnay after this, even if it means that I have bad taste compared to you.” Rey smiled despite herself, wondering who in their right mind would give her anything expensive when the cheap stuff suited her just fine. 

He waved his hand, “Taste is just a social construct. Drink what you like, read what you like, you know? My first drink was a seven dollar bottle of vinho verde six months ago, and it was great.”

“I usually stay away from drinking in general, especially since I’m usually at work functions when I do get a chance to drink. I’m usually too busy making sure your mother doesn’t corner the Canadian Prime Minister and challenge him to drunken trivia.” Rey glanced back at her boss, who still stood in the doorway, looking more amused than anything. “No offense, Mrs. President.”

“It’s after six, you know you’re supposed to call me Leia,” the twinkle in Leia’s eyes was unmistakable. She looked so happy to have Ben and Rey there with her. 

“Yes, ma’am,” was Rey’s teasing reply as she turned back to Ben with a grin. “Your mother has this horrible habit of trying to get me to drink at every reception and flirt with various members of other diplomats’ staffs. I’m surprised we haven’t caused an international incident yet.” 

Rey chuckled before growing a bit serious, sighing. “Just stay still really quick, okay? You have a bit of sauce that’s been stuck to your lip for the past four minutes and it’s been bugging me.” If Ben had wanted to pull away or stutter something about his ability to get it himself, she didn’t  give him a chance to, her hand under his chin to keep his face still as she swiped her thumb across his bottom lip, gentle but just firm enough to get the offending sauce off.

“There. That’s better.” The words were barely above a whisper, and Rey wondered what she was doing, practically hearing her heart drumming loud in her ears, her cheeks unmistakably stained red with her blushing as she looked at him, as if waiting for him to turn on his heel and run.

Ben was thirty years old and had never had anyone ever touch him like that. Somehow, it was more sexual than anything he’d seen online. He smiled at Rey’s matching blush, “Thank you. I’ll go set the table and get Mom some more wine.” 

He turned to the cabinets opposite the stove and began to collect table settings for five people. As Ben was about to enter the dining room, Cassian caught his eye and coughed, covering up a smile. Ben raised his eyebrows in return as if to say  _ Wanna tell me why you’re holding hands with the Deputy Chief of Staff _ ? Cassian seemed to understand and pulled his hand away from Jyn’s before Leia spotted them. He retrieved his class of chardonnay from the counter and  turned to Jyn, “May I get you something to drink Jyn?”

“Can I get some chardonnay to go along with whatever it was that I just watched?” Jyn’s voice was hushed, her eyes fastened on Ben as he disappeared into the dining room and then onto Rey’s back, the personal aide seeming to avoid anyone’s stare. Cassian wasn’t sure if she sounded more shocked or amused, shaking her head as she muttered, “I thought their meeting went horribly, and then this happens, and now I don’t know what’s going on. Do you have any idea?”

She didn’t give Cassian a chance to reply, muttering to herself, “Maybe we can just keep Ben at Rey’s desk to keep Hux away. Jesus Christ.”

Leia shot them both an angry glare, shaking her index finger at them, “I heard that and I will kill you both. There are a lot of unemployed veterans with Ivy League credentials.” 

Cassian rolled his eyes at both Leia and Jyn, keeping his own pleased expression in check. He was going to send Ben’s therapist and new psychiatrist a nice Christmas present for whatever they did to get him to this point. Three years ago, Ben couldn’t tolerate a hug. Getting groped by a random drunk woman in Iowa in a crowded room triggered a panic attack and suicide attempt. Now? Pretty young women were touching his face without Ben batting an eyelash. 

He handed Jyn a glass of the requested chardonnay and shot another glare at her. She was literally the worst person in the world, and Cassian couldn’t imagine his life without her. They worked intelligence together through the Cold War and the Gulf War before they retired to enter politics. Cassian knew Jyn almost better than he knew himself. 

“Rey, have you started the pasta yet? I am starving and the sauce smells amazing,” he kept his tone conversational and casual. Judging from her tense shoulders, Rey was keenly aware of Leia and Jyn’s scrutinizing gazes. He elbowed Jyn and gestured towards Rey’s back with a furrowed brow. Years of wordless conversations made them excellent at talking without talking. She would know exactly what he wanted her to do. Not that Jyn Erso would just do whatever he said - that would never happen. 

“Rey, did you still need your econ homework looked over? Or any homework looked over? After dealing with drafts of the new idiotic laws they’re trying to push through, I feel like looking over college algebra would honestly be a dream right now.” Jyn all but glared at Cassian, smoothing her face into a smile as Rey timidly looked back and nodded, gesturing to her book-bag that laid abandoned on the overstuffed couch. 

“Leia said she has the econ homework covered, after dinner, but if you wanted to look at my literary analysis draft for  _ Hamlet _ , I’d appreciate it.” She caught Cassian’s eye, and with a small smirk, added, “Maybe Cassian can help you. You’re the Shakespeare buff in the office, right, Cassian? Or is that Poe?”

Cassian sighed, Rey knew perfectly well that Shakespeare was not in his wheelhouse. The idea of analyzing literature sounded worse than being slowly digested while alive in the belly of some hideous beast. 

“I can do it, but I don’t particularly enjoy it. Poe is definitely the Shakespeare expert in the West Wing. I can send him a text and see if he can come up after dinner. He and Finn are doing a working dinner downstairs on a few things,” he pulled out his phone and glanced at Leia, “May I invite Finn and Poe up? I’m surprised that Ahsoka isn’t here right now.” 

Leia nodded at Cassian, “Yes, that’s fine. I don’t need those two staying up until midnight obsessing over something tiny and then sleep on their office couches. It’s the anniversary of Anakin’s passing, so Ahsoka left early to visit him at Arlington and have an early night.” She shrugged, the passing of the father that Leia barely knew affected her differently each year. Some years, she went with Ahsoka to clean Anakin’s grave and leave flowers before having dinner together. This year, it seemed she wanted to spend time with family and friends, rather than pay solemn tribute to Anakin Skywalker’s memory. Their family was  _ so complicated _ and sometimes, Cassian was more a little grateful for at least being able to choose who got to complicate his life. 

“Leia, where’s the step stool? Whoever unpacked your groceries last time moved the pasta to the tallest shelf.” Rey’s voice echoed from the little pantry in the kitchen as she glared at the packaged noodles overhead. She could climb the shelves-- she had done it before, but with company over, it didn’t seem appropriate.  
  


Ben poked his head out from the dining room, “I’ve got it, Rey.” He crossed the kitchen and pulled the box of noodles from off the tall shelf. It was about eye-level for him, and not an ideal place to put things for Leia, who was barely 5’2”.  He handed them over to Rey before picking up his glass again and retreating to the other side of the kitchen.

“Thank you, Ben.” She hoped that she didn’t sound stiff now, unsure of how to act. It was easier when she could be angry at him, but now, that anger was just a little burnt-out ember in her chest: warm, almost comforting, and odd in the context of Ben already. She looked at him, clearing her throat nervously.

“Are you doing anything right now? Because, if you’re not, a pot of water would be really helpful right now. I’ve been micromanaging the sauce so much that I almost forgot about the noodles.” She crossed the kitchen now, setting the package on the counter and picking up her cup for a sip, focusing her gaze on the bottom of the glass as she drank, trying to appear calm, collected. 

“Nope, I got it,” Ben bent down in a lower cupboard and pulled out a tall pot for pasta and filled it with water. He took it over to the stove, adding a bit of olive oil and salt to the water before putting the lid in place. When he finished, Ben found Rey nodding appreciatively at him, “Anything else I can do?” 

“Can you steal the shitty Chardonnay back from Cassian?” Rey hoisted herself onto the counter, smiling at how she was eye-level with Ben now as she showed her empty glass to him. “I’m due for a refill, and I’d rather not get in the middle of his bickering with Jyn over my interpretation of the Bard.” The two looked over, and true to form, the two White House aides were heatedly arguing if Rey should be discussing the “To be” speech instead of Hamlet’s dialogue with Ophelia, Jyn arguing a bit more passionately now.

Taking Rey’s highball glass, Ben frowned, “God, you are not drinking wine of a glass tumbler. I don’t care if you’re in college and still young.” He rinsed the glass and put it in the dishwasher before grabbing a clean glass off the counter and filling it with wine. Leia caught his eye and smiled knowingly. Ben shot her a dirty look and brought Rey her glass. 

“What happened to ‘Taste is a class construct’? Does it not apply to what glass you drink which booze from?” Rey nodded in thanks as Ben passed her glass back to her, smiling at her tease.

“I just think drinking scotch and chardonnay from the same glass has to taste worse than orange juice and toothpaste.”  

“Hey, I happen to think either of those combinations are wonderful palate cleansers.” Rey quipped, sticking out her tongue at him just to ensure he understood that it was a joke, that her taste wasn’t completely awful.

Shaking his head at Rey, Ben watched Jyn and Cassian argue. He watched Leia watching him and Rey together. Again he wondered,  _ Is this what progress feels like? Is this what it’s like to feel normal?  _

“Hey.” Rey tried to keep her voice soft, almost nervous to break the peace that had settled, scared to startle him even as she nudged his shoulder gently. When he looked at her, how warm his eyes were struck her, and it took a moment longer than anticipated to remember how to use her words. She hoped that she wasn’t gaping as she finally got the words out, “The water’s boiling.”

“Good call,” Ben took a sip of his drink before carefully measuring out noodles and dumping them into the boiling water. He pulled a colander from where he found the pots and set it in the empty sink. He stood next to Rey, staring off into space in the general direction of the kitchen timer. 

If it was anyone else on staff, Rey would be bugging them, trying to draw them into a conversation, trying to make them laugh, but sitting next to Ben, she let herself slip into silence, quietly sipping her wine. It was almost odd, feeling as if she wasn’t required to talk, and she wasn’t sure if she liked the feeling or not. For one thing, in the silence, everything else seem magnified, almost embarrassingly so. 

Rey was never one for trying to determine the taste profile of a wine--she wasn’t fancy enough to have been to a formal wine tasting, and couldn’t tell you the difference between the various ‘notes’ of a wine-- but as she sat there on the counter, she was trying her hardest, if for nothing more than the distraction. From what, she wasn’t totally sure-- maybe from how Ben’s cologne, or maybe soap, something smelling of sandalwood, mixed nicely with the bubbling spaghetti sauce’s scent, how it smelled of home.

Maybe she was trying not to focus on how he’d shift his weight from foot to foot and every time he did, he’d accidentally brush her knee just ever so slightly. Maybe she was trying not to focus on how he bit his lip when he was deep in thought, his thick brows furrowed as he stared at the timer. No matter what she was trying  _ not  _ to focus on, it wasn’t working, and Rey sighed, wishing that she could still be angry with Ben Solo because then, it had been easier and her heart didn’t feel as if it was constantly in her throat then.

Either way, she figured she probably looked ridiculous, her wine glass still poised against her lips, even though she hadn’t taken a sip in at least two minutes.

Ben shook himself from his thoughts about recovery and pulled a piece of pasta out of the boiling water with a pasta fork. Nodding to himself, he pulled the pot off the stove and poured the pot into the sink to drain the noodles. As he shut off the eye, Ben noticed Rey looking at him carefully, assessing him. “Yes, Rey?” 

“Hmm? Oh, sorry, nothing.” Rey carefully put her glass down, hearing voices in the Center Hall joining the Shakespeare debate. “Sounds like Finn and Poe finally decided to join us. I’ll get the extra plates.” She slipped down off the counter, trying her hardest not to brush against Ben as she slid past him, making a beeline for the cabinet.

_ Great, Rey-- you were just yelling at this man earlier about his mother, and now you’re basically tiptoeing around him like he’s the fifth-grade teacher you think is cute. Great. Really mature.  _ She tried to keep her internal grimace from reaching her face as she pulled the cutlery drawer open, avoiding Ben’s gaze.

Ben shrugged, “Okay. But like, at this point, you know all my deep, dark secrets and probably what I am getting for Christmas, so it isn’t much you probably don’t already know. So, you might as well just say whatever you’re thinking.” He added olive oil to the noodles and stirred them inside the bowl he placed them in. Checking the cupboards, he found a large trivet and took it to the table with the noodles before returning to retrieve the large pot of spaghetti sauce. 

Rey glanced around, sighing, perhaps with relief, perhaps with dread as she found her boss’s attention drawn away, arguing about Gertrude’s role in Hamlet’s journey ( _ They are incredibly off topic,  _ she thought, shrugging it off anyway). “I was just thinking that you look very nice, Ben and that I should return the compliment.” She measured the words out slow and even, trying to read Ben’s expression as he paused, the sauce pot clenched tightly in his hands.

He furrowed his brow, thinking back, “Oh! Um, thank you.” It was clear when he’d fully processed Rey’s words because he turned scarlet, clearly unsure of what to do. “I should get this on the table. Right.” Ben shook his head as if to clear it before entering the dining room with the sauce pot.

“Right. Sorry.” Rey mumbled under her breath, sighing as she filled her wineglass and pushed a smile on her face to follow him out into the dining room. She could hear Finn calling for her asking her to mediate the ensuing fight that was occurring because of her paper. She all but collided with Ben as he stopped and she pulled herself short, confused as she looked up at him.

Ben turned to Rey, “Don’t be sorry. I just.. I don’t talk to women outside of work. I don’t talk to anyone outside of work unless it’s my therapist or Cassian. Compliments are unusual for me.” 

“I understand.” Rey felt odd, wondering why she felt so put off, considering it was just a compliment she paid to him. Nothing more. It wasn’t as if she had said something more important, and she tried to take solace in it. Finn called her name again, and she tried to shake herself from her stupor “Sorry-- If you’ll excuse me, I need to make sure Jyn and the president don’t punch each other over whether Ophelia should have been included in the play at all.” She started to slip past him, stopping short again, hearing Ben’s question all too clearly.

“Rey, do you want to break in my Mario Kart after this? I mean, they’re going to be discussing it all night I think,” he felt so stupid and afraid that she wouldn’t want to hang out with him. Ben had to try, and this was someone who knew the worst, so it might not be that bad.

She turned back to him, trying to think of a reason to say no, besides  _ you’re my boss’s son, and I’m the personal aide to the president, and this could be awkward.  _ But nothing came, and so she let the smile bloom across her face, mischievous and a bit wicked almost. “I’d love to, Ben. Just know that I will be trying to boot you off of the Rainbow Road like I was born just to do that.” She tried not to think of his joke from earlier--that Mario Kart was the gateway to romance-- instead of focusing on how his lips twisted into a half smile.

“You’ll probably succeed. I’ve never played before, so you’ll definitely kick my ass,” he smiled, relieved that she didn’t say no. “We can invite Finn if he’s not into the Shakespeare debate.” 

They both glanced over to see Finn standing now, trying to hold Poe back as he and Cassian argued, and despite herself, Rey smirked. “I think they need Finn, if for nothing more than to keep the peace. Besides,” she lowered her voice, leaning closer to Ben, “it gives him a chance to impress Poe, which he’s always up for.”

“They’re still not a thing yet? They might be worse than Jyn and Cassian,” Ben paused and shrugged, “I shouldn’t talk, because at least they’ve been out on a date at some point in their life.” He left the room, calling everyone to come to the table, the discussion quieting down a level more conducive to having an actual conversation. 

Rey blinked once, then twice, considered pinching herself, still standing in the kitchen’s doorway. “Wait, what?” She knew that he couldn’t have heard her, her mumble soft, and she smoothed her furrowed brow as he came back, curious eyes seeming to ask her if she was going to follow him or not. 

She was afraid that that answer was going to be yes for as long as he’d allow, and it scared her a bit, trailing closer to the table, unsure of where to sit.

“They’re coming, just slowly. Getting wine and water,” Ben seated himself and waited for everyone to come into the dining room. They were joking and teasing each other about an earlier briefing. He gestured to the seat next to him, “This one’s open.” 

She nodded to him, a small smile on her lips as she slipped beside his chair and into hers, feeling someone’s eyes on her. It could have been anyone’s at this point-- Cassian had probably told Leia by now that the initial meeting wasn’t great, and Jyn had a habit of telling Poe about certain situations so he’d know how to read the room, be it with the press corps or his close friends.

Everything was served family-style, passing plates around the table in a cacophony of clattering dishes and cutlery. It reminded Ben of going to the dining hall in undergrad, filling up a takeout box to take back to his room to eat and work or chat online. He didn’t feel anxious because every person in the room knew about him, and they’d all been checked out by the Secret Service. 

Finn was wolfing down pasta at an incredible rate, and it was a miracle that he hadn’t choked on his food. Smiling at Ben, he took a drink of water, “How’s it going, Ben? What do you think of life here at the White House?” 

The younger man had a kind, open face and the sort of sunny disposition that Ben thought incompatible with someone working in politics at such a high-level. It was obvious he was trying to include Ben in their conversations, which was unnecessary, but kind. Judging from what he’d heard of Finn, unnecessary kindness seemed to be his specialty. 

“It’s busy, I lived alone through school, so it’s a bit weird to have people around all the time. Everyone has been very welcoming, and it’s been neat to explore the parts that aren’t open to the public,” Ben twirled some pasta around his fork, hoping that was a decent, normal response. 

Poe glanced up from his plate, still chewing, almost thoughtfully. “No one’s tried to bother you, right? No one has given you a hard time?” He seemed to smirk at Rey, who in turn shot him a dirty look. If it wasn’t for the smirk, anyone else would have been inclined to think that Poe was asking about the press, but Rey knew better, tempted to open her mouth and scold the press secretary. Instead, she glanced down at her plate again.

“Nope. Everyone’s been really nice. Rey and I are going to break in my Mario Kart after dinner, while you guys argue the finer points of Hamlet,” he frowned at Poe, seeing the dirty look he’d shot at Rey.  

“Just wanted to be sure-- one of the press corps thought they heard Rey yelling in the Oval Office earlier so I wanted to be sure that our youngest and brightest wasn’t trying to scare you off.” Poe was all but grinning now, and Rey was sure that if they weren’t sitting at the president’s table, next to the first son, he’d be waggling his eyebrows at her.

“It’s almost as if you  _ want  _ me to swear at the dinner table, Poe.” Rey kept her tone cheery and bright, even as she shot daggers at one of her closest friends in the West Wing.

Ben frowned at Poe, unsure why he would be smiling at Rey’s discomfort. “I didn’t know that you were so into schadenfreude Poe, you should come hang out with me more if that’s the case.” 

Cassian choked on his wine, spluttering as Jyn pounded him on the back. Rey tried to hide her smile behind her napkin as she wiped her mouth, but it was impossible, seeing Poe’s mouth drop open like that, trying to backtrack, to apologize. 

Leia laughed, “Wow, you’ve got jokes now don’t you Ben?” She shook her head and refilled her water glass. “I am glad that you’re able to back with us now that you’re done at Stanford.” 

Jyn had stopped pounding Cassian on the back and resumed eating her dinner, “Yup! You’re here just in time for the snow and cold. I’m sure you missed that out in California.” 

Rey glanced over at Ben, smile still stuck to her face as she noted, “It doesn’t get too bad, all things considering. I think the snow is better than when we’re stuck in hurricane season, so I think you came at a good time.” She felt almost silly for saying it, quickly turning back to her food when Ben turned to look at her, to reply, “Worked out well then. I’m ready to try some new things, and start working on my career since apparently, you can’t just go to school for the rest of your life.” He smiled ruefully down at his plate and wound up another bite of spaghetti. 

Georgia would throw a sheet of gold, glittery star stickers on him if he was back in Palo Alto. 

 

“How are you doing?” Rey wondered if she asked that too much, bringing another stack of plates into the kitchen, watching Ben lean over the sink, his sleeves rolled up higher as he filled the sink for washing, the plates too delicate to withstand the dishwasher without chipping. All things considering, dinner could be counted a success, with Ben chuckling and talking with minor awkwardness. Rey had had to stop herself from slipping her hand on top of his to pat it, even to reassure, the movement foreign to her and yet fitting if she had gone through with it.

She wasn’t sure if he heard her over the rushing water, or the resumed shouts and laughter in the Central Hall, so she just slipped beside him, plucking up a dish towel.  “Thank you for that comment to Poe. You didn’t have to, but I do appreciate it.” Her voice was soft again, and Rey wondered what it was about the first son that brought out that side of her, but she couldn’t find it in herself to mind.

Hands deep in the soapy water, Ben considered Rey’s question, “ I am good. That was my first family dinner in almost a decade? I survived, it was even almost fun?  Mom looked happy, so I’m good.” He carefully wiped a plate off before rinsing it and setting it off to the side. “As for the Poe thing, I’m happy to do it. You don’t find that kind of thing funny, so..” Ben trailed off, and shrugged, giving Rey a shy smile. 

“I’m surprised that Poe hasn’t thanked you for making the comment yet-- if you hadn’t said anything, chances are I’d be kicking his ass in the Rose Garden by now. So he owes you one, even if he doesn’t know it yet.” Rey plucked a wet plate from Ben’s hand before he could set it down again, suddenly intent on her drying.

Ben nodded in understanding starting on another dirty plate, “I see. I owe Poe a few myself, so it works out in the end for everyone. He’s kept people from being too curious about my absence from public life, so I’ve basically got a life debt at this point.” 

“Don’t tell him that-- he may ask you to do ridiculous things.” Rey sighed dramatically, adding, “The last time he bought me lunch, he insisted that I pay him back with my firstborn child. I’m not sure how I’m going to explain to my husband one day that we have to give up Junior for a turkey on rye. It wasn’t even a good sandwich!” 

He couldn’t help but laugh, imagining a frustrated Rey out at lunch with Poe, realizing that she’d forgotten her wallet or something. Poe had always been dramatic and charming, it was good to know that he hadn’t changed much over the years.

“A standard Rumplestiltskin contract, huh? You could just adopt a cat or something, but give it to Poe, insisting that it is your child. He likes cats, always has,” Ben handed the dish off to Rey, noticing how his hand didn’t jerk back when their fingers brushed. He’d stopped having those reactions more than two years ago, but here with Rey, the difference seemed even more significant.

“Or I could be mature and when I have the child, which seems unlikely at this point, I could name Poe as the godfather. And then pray that nothing ever happens to me so my child doesn’t learn how to speak like a sassy press secretary. Can you imagine asking that child about something bad it did? It could deny it with the best of them.” She faked a shudder, enjoying Ben’s amused snort even as he shook his head at her.

“You’re what? 21 or 22? That’s too young to give up. Hell, I’m too young to give up, and I’m 30. We’ve got a lot of life ahead of us both. I never thought I’d get to this point, ever,” Ben rinsed the last plate and handed it to Rey to dry while he started washing the cutlery. 

“You and me both.” Rey’s voice was quiet as she said this, brows furrowing as she considered the plate in her hands, wondering at the hazy reflection that looked back at her from the clean porcelain. She shook her head, glancing up to see Ben’s eyes on her, his hands still submerged in the sink, making his gaze a curious one, not out of necessity.

“Are you okay?” He stuck a bottle brush inside a wine glass, swishing around the warm, soapy water a few times before rinsing it off and handing it over to Rey. 

She forced her face to brighten, opening her mouth to assure him that she was fine, that she just had a sad thought for a moment, and then her eyes trailed from his face to his wet arms, his shirt sleeves rolled up and clinging to his arms. There were so many scars there, and Rey’s gut reaction was split in two: to lean forward, to ask, to comfort...and to run. She stood there, wordlessly, knowing that she was gaping now, that it was improper, that she was rude, that Ben didn’t deserve this, but any necessary words weren’t coming now.

“You don’t have to pretend with me. You’re not my employee and I am certainly not going to say anything to anyone, even Cassian, if you want me to,” Ben kept his voice soft, it was the tone that he used with sad undergraduates who were homesick or frustrated by their grades.

“Ben, what happened to your arms?” Rey’s voice was small, and she wished that the kitchen floor would open up and she could disappear, that she didn’t have to ask, but she hadn’t torn her eyes away until now, looking up into the face of the man standing next to her. This utterly domestic moment, this calm and light moment-- of course, she ruined it. Like she did with all good things.

Sucking in his cheeks, Ben pushed his shirtsleeves up further and turned them over to fully show the scars that covered the soft skin of his forearms.  He smiled sadly at Rey, “Some of them are from other people when I was away at school. Some of them are from me when I didn’t know how to ask for help or how to cope when I was struggling with my past.” Ben kept his voice low and even, trying to keep from frightening Rey off. 

Even though their first meeting was a disaster, he liked Rey. He wanted Rey to like him. Rey wasn’t scared of him or intimidated by Leia. Ben wanted a friend, someone who wasn’t a work colleague, a paid employee or his mother’s friend. He hoped that this wouldn’t be something that would frighten her or set her off. 

Rey inhaled sharply, looking at Ben’s arms and trying not to think about the various marks that marred her skin much like his. She felt guilty for asking to see, for asking what happened, but somehow, she sensed that Ben didn’t mind. Anyone else could have pushed her away and been justified. He had not-- if anything, he confronted this and she didn’t know if she should feel grateful to him or disgusted with herself for thinking that she was special for this.

“May I?” She gestured to his arms, wondering if he’d let her touch him if she’d send him into a panic, add insult to injury. She looked up at him, at his brown eyes, so wide and confused and  _ sad _ , and waited.

“Umm, sure.” Ben thought that his heart was going to beat out of his chest. This wasn’t a panic attack, so what the fuck was happening to him? 

Rey felt that to open her mouth and to say something more would steal her courage, that she’d force herself to think, and at the moment, she could do without that. Instead, she stepped closer now, nudging him away from the kitchen counter so she could properly wrap her arms around his waist, keeping her grip loose enough to let him slip free if he so needed, but tight enough so that, hopefully, he’d understand her intention. 

She tried not to think of how perfectly she seemed to fit in his arms, hesitating to even lean her head against his shoulder. She couldn’t say if he was the perfect height for her or the opposite-- she only knew that this seemed perfectly okay, which scared her more than she’d admit to anyone...except Ben. He’d understand.

“Oh.” That’s all Ben could think to say, because his mind went completely and totally blank. He had several degrees, but none of them prepared him for this. It was like the entire world was muted, except for this one little spot in the kitchen. Ben put his arms around Rey without thinking, they were wet and soapy. He hugged her tightly and whispered, “It’s okay. I’m okay and you’re okay. We’re both okay here. We’re safe.”

“I know.” Her whisper was small, and Ben’s arms tightened around her, a soapy hand reaching up to cradle her head. She could practically feel his pulse quicken, and she worried that she should let go, that he wasn’t okay, that he needed space, but she couldn’t step away.

“Good, because we are done with the dishes, and I want you to kick my ass while playing Mario Kart. I need to learn from the best, you know?” Ben could feel his voice crack, just slightly, under the emotional pressure. He didn’t feel freaked out or claustrophobic, which naturally freaked him out more. 

Rey let herself laugh at that, wondering why her throat was tight with tears, pulling back from Ben slightly to discover that she was crying, that she had let her mask fall just enough, the white shirt’s cotton more gray now, tear-darkened, and she laughed again, this time out of the stupid thought of  _ Oh, thank god I didn’t wear makeup today. His shirt would be a mess. _

“Am I good to let go, or do you need a minute? What do you need me to do?” He had heard the sniffles and felt some wetness against his shirt, realizing that Rey was crying into his shirt. Some switch had flipped when they were washing dishes and he was once again in a situation where he had no idea what to do. 

“Just one more minute-- sorry.” Rey laughed at herself now, looking up at Ben with a sheepish grin, wiping her cheeks quickly. “I promise, when I meet people, I usually don’t yell at them and then cry on them all in one day. It usually takes more time than this.” 

“No, don’t apologize, two hugs in three days is pretty exciting for me. I’m just sorry that you’re sad right now,” he rubbed small circles on Rey’s back, soothing her the way he remembered Leia doing for him when he was little and so upset. “You’re fine. I’ve done way worse when upset, you never have to apologize.”  

“Ben, do me a favor real quick and stop saying such nice things.” Rey bit the inside of her cheek, trying to keep the fresh batch of tears at bay, shaking her head as she laughed at herself. “I usually don’t cry in front of people at all, so trust me, this is a learning experience for the both of us. And I hate when people say nice things when I’m already crying because then I get overwhelmed that they feel compelled to say nice things--or worse, it’s what they actually think, and I start crying again. Ridiculous, right?”

“Okay then… Go fuck yourself Rey. I can’t believe you ever thought that there was such thing as too much garlic. There’s no such thing as too much garlic. Insane,” Ben kept rubbing Rey’s back and whispered into her ear, “Okay, how was that? Was that mean enough? If you tell me where you go to school, I can also say rude things about your very expensive university education, if that will help.”  

Despite herself, Rey felt a shiver run up her spine at Ben’s whisper, his breath hot on her ear and too close for comfort, for proper decorum, and she couldn’t feel anything but a thrill from it.“Go fuck yourself, Ben. My alma mater can still kick your alma mater’s ass,” She whispered back, giggling despite herself.

“And technically you didn’t have to say anything mean. You can just hold me next time.” Rey tensed up, wondering if Ben noticed exactly what she said, if he thought it was odd that she felt that there would be a “next time.” 

She wondered if she should think it odd that she thought, maybe even hoped, for a next time. Rey blamed it on how he smelled and how warm he was-- it was messing with her head. It seemed like a good enough excuse at the moment.

_ Next time _ .  _ Holy shit. Holy shit.  _ Ben was pretty sure that he was hallucinating or having some kind of psychotic episode. A really beautiful, interesting woman wanted him to hold her close for a second time. His breath hitched and he just couldn’t fucking think. Not a single thought could penetrate the haze in his brain. It was like the time he’d accidentally taken two doses of his sleeping pills and wandered around his apartment, punch-drunk and nearly falling down.

“Shit, um. Okay. Whatever you want, Rey,” he laughed at himself and his poorly disguised panic, “Everyone knows that Harvard and Cambridge are shitty schools anyway. Just resting on their laurels, you know?”  

“Don’t I know it. That’s why my university is better than yours.” Rey supposed that she was grateful that he didn’t focus on her “next time” but there was still a part of her that wanted to grab his hands, look up into his eyes, and say...what exactly, she wasn’t sure. Perhaps  _ Do you feel it too?  _ Maybe  _ Do you even want to bother with me? Can ‘next time’ be  _ **_soon?_ **

“You know, if we just sway a little a bit,” Ben shifted his weight back and forth a little, “You can have a good laugh at how I am not only do I have no social skills, but I have no dancing skills either. That’s right - I am the entire package. It’s impressive how bad I am at both things.” 

“If it makes you feel any better, I’m so bad at dancing that when your mother drags me to receptions and I get asked to dance, I usually pretend to have a sprained ankle… or that I don’t know English. It’s all until someone catches me in my lie, but I can’t dance at all either.” Rey looked up at him, almost mischievous, tears forgotten as she added, “However, to properly dance, I’d have to have my hands on your shoulders and you have to have my arms around my waist. This isn’t the proper hold for any dance.”

“You could literally put my hands anywhere, and I would believe you if you told me that was the proper way to hold someone when you dance. I am totally out of my depth here - feelings, social events, dancing, ” Ben trailed off considering for the first time, that he would have to attend the fancy state dinners. White tie attire. Dancing. Strangers and photographers everywhere. His skin began to itch a little, just at the thought. “At the next state dinner, you can hide in the corner with me, ok? Or tell Mom that I am feeling agoraphobic again, and that someone needs to stay with me. I didn’t leave my apartment for almost a year when I was 24, she’d believe it.” 

Rey hoped that Ben wouldn’t be offended by her momentarily blank face, trying to keep her thoughts on the straight and narrow, which was hard, thanks to Ben’s hands having drifted to her waist, as she had mentioned earlier. He was still rubbing circles into her back, and she wasn’t sure if she was blushing again or not. She wasn’t sure about a lot of things around Ben, she was coming to realize, and it was as frustrating as it was titillating. 

Still, she shook her mind free of his comment-- _ you could literally put my hands anywhere--  _ and smiled at him. “Sounds like a plan. And if anyone tries to pull you into a dance, you can use me as an excuse. Just as long as you don’t use the ‘I’m here with my girlfriend’ excuse, because everyone knows me as the president’s personal aide, and I doubt they’d believe you’d go for the ‘maid’, as you called me before.” 

He couldn’t help it, Ben laughed at the idea of someone believing that Rey would ever be his girlfriend. She was beautiful, smart, and pretty normal for someone who worked in politics. No one would ever believe that.  “Maid or aide, Rey, I know that anyone who knows me at all would believe that you were my girlfriend or even my date. That would require a level of something that I am definitely not capable of… People know that I don’t date and that I’ve never had a girlfriend… So, I’ll just keep it simple for both of us.” 

“News is going to get out that you’re working on yourself and that includes dating, so it wouldn’t be too surprising for you to have a girlfriend-- or for people to walk up to you at social gatherings because they  _ think  _ you’re looking for a lover. Even though I do think the ‘I’m here with my girlfriend’ excuse won’t be believable, I doubt it’ll be because people think that you don’t date. It’ll be because no one believes that the personal aide could have gotten the first son’s attention, even if everyone loves a fairy tale.”

“Men and women coming up to me? Fairy tale? Jesus, the very thought of all that makes me nauseated and want to hide in my room with a book. For the record - you are very beautiful and smart. I read your paper tonight and it was very good. You’re a person with a lot of gifts. My mom doesn’t waste her time with people who aren’t extraordinary, and have something to offer the world.  No one would ever believe that you would ever want to date President Organa’s reclusive, misanthropic son.They don’t even know about my past,” Ben stepped back and looked Rey in the eye, “Don’t say things about yourself like that, okay? They might feel true, but they aren’t true.” 

“The same goes for you, too.” She looked up at him, surprised that he was still holding her, however loosely. “I thought I hated you at the beginning of the day, and I'm pretty confident that I can say my opinion changed for the better.”

“You’re only saying that because you haven’t seen how bad I am going to be at Mario Kart, and you haven’t read all the comments on your paper,” Ben grinned at Rey and let go of her waist, “My shirt is soaked, I have  _ no idea _ how that happened. So, I am going to change it, and then well, do you still want to hang out?” 

“Of course.” Rey glanced away, to the doorway, watching Ben step away, “Ben, wait--” She knew she said it a moment too late, watching him walk away, and maybe that was fine, the girl folding her arms and practicing how the words would drop from her mouth: “Ben, can I get your number?”

Cassian glanced up when Ben finally made an appearance in the Central Hall, his shirt soaked, his expression almost dazed. Poe must have noticed as well, commenting, “Did you go for a swim? Is that what took so long?”

Ben looked down, “No, I forgot to put on an apron before washing the china. We need get plates in here that we can microwave and put in the dishwasher.  Everything is cleaned up and ready for tomorrow, I also boxed up the extras in the fridge.” Ben really didn’t like the way that everyone was looking at him, like he was a puppy that had just done a really excellent trick. Maybe he was like the dog he saw on Reddit that could open the refrigerator and get his owner a bottle of beer. 

He sighed, and turned to head towards his room, “I’m going to change my shirt and then play Mario Kart.”  

“I think you forgot to do something back in the kitchen, my friend.” Cassian muttered, glancing at Jyn, who was scribbling something down. She finished with a flourish, ripping the paper off the legal pad and now handing it to Cassian, who in turn, handed it to Ben.

“You forgot to get Rey’s number,” Cassian nodded at Jyn, who was out of her seat and making a beeline to the kitchen, “and she forgot to ask for yours.” He patted the younger man’s shoulder, grinning proudly. “You did good, Ben.”

“Why do I need Rey’s number? She’s right behind me, she’s going to play video games with me while you guys fight over Shakespeare,” Ben glanced down at the paper and back up at Cassian, “She knows where I live.”  

“Give yourself a moment, Ben. It'll come to you.” Cassian assured him, the smile still stuck to his face. Finn and Poe were all but sitting on the edge of their seats, and Jyn returned, grinning cheekily as she plopped down next to Leia, who seemed too quiet, her smile wide still.

“Rey really appreciated getting your number, Ben.” Jyn all but sang as she settled in, watching Ben’s face. 

He looked at Cassian and at Jyn before recoiling, “No way. That is not a thing. She’s really young and pretty nice. Jyn tells people that she thinks I’ll have a girl’s head in my freezer one day. No. You’re reading into this because you are just… I don’t know what.” 

“We're reading into it because something is there, and because we actually like seeing you happy, Ben. She seems to really like you, don't you think?” Cassian nudged his shoulder jokingly. “Your mother wanted you two to exchange numbers since Rey asked you to taste-test. Just trust us on this.”

Ben frowned and stuffed the scrap of paper into his pocket. They all looked so goofy and hopeful, it was a shame that they were about to be crushed. “I’m going now, and I am not listening to this anymore.” He sighed and turned away, walking down the Central Hall towards his room. It was a nice idea, that someone like Rey might actually like him. It wasn’t going to happen, and that was okay. Ben needed friends more than a girlfriend anyway, because the people around the White House, might be just as crazy as he used to be. 

Rey leaned against the doorframe separating the dining room from the Central Hall, her face inscrutable as she watched him go. “You guys just love meddling, don't you? When it's not countries, it's people.” She meant to keep the tone light, but there was a certain heaviness that couldn't be missed. 

“Rey, are you alright?” Leia’s worried eyes were on her, just like everyone else’s and so the girl pulled herself tall, sucking in a breath. 

“There's a Shakespeare quote that I like, that I'm thinking about using in my paper; tell me what you think: ‘You draw me, you hard-hearted adamant;/But yet you draw not iron, for my heart/Is true as steel: leave you your power to draw,/And I shall have no power to follow you.” She glanced up the hall, thankful that Ben's door was closed as she rounded on the others, smile rueful.

“If anyone can tell me where in Hamlet  that is, I'll name my first kid after them.” With that, she turned, all but scampering down the hall to knock on Ben's door. When there was hesitation on the other side, she grinned anyways, muttering through the door, “It's just me. I just quoted a Midsummer Night's Dream at them and asked them where in Hamlet it's from. They won't bother you more tonight.”

The door sprung open easily with that, and Rey grinned, stepping through the door and into Ben's space once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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**Author's Note:**

> Shout out to all Murderinos - Ben's therapist is DEFINITELY based on Georgia Hardstark. 
> 
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